Defined

So lately I have been trying to find my definition. You know - the one that you use to manage your life.  

Mom - daughter - wife - friend - employee - teacher - those words you use to define yourself. 

Over time our definitions in life change. Who we are and where we fit is often fluid. We move from one season of life to another sometimes easily and sometimes kicking and screaming. 

My definitions all seemed to shift at once and so today I'm trying to define where I am and who I am and who I want to be. 

I am a wife after not being one for a while and that is my favorite but is still new.  Although I'm still a mom that definition has shifted because my mom job has shifted to overseer more than the hands on mothering of the last 20 plus years. 

It's different taking on all the change at once and some days it is still overwhelming. The days when I feel a bit adrift I have to remember one thing. 

One definition that never changes in my life is Child of the King. As a believer I know that no matter what else defines me and how far I may wander away my God is still my Father and He still calls me child. That is the most important definition I can have and that's the one I cling to. 

“And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven.”

Matthew 23:9 ESV

Stormy Weather

As I head home from dropping off my son to start his college career this is what I see. We are about to drive into some stormy weather. That's exactly how my heart and life has felt for the last few months. 

I feel like I've been on a massive emotional roller coaster. From graduation, to getting married, to moving and starting over in a new job and new town to leaving both my babies three hours from my house. Ups and downs and so much fear and feeling out of control. 

There was a time in my life where I loved riding roller coasters.  The thrill of going up and down and unexpected twists and turns created exhilaration and excitement. Somewhere in life the many struggles and changes made roller coasters seem fearful. The unknown and lack of control send me spiraling to a dark place. One where I desperately try to figure things out on my own and make things work in a safe environment. 

But life...

But God...

When the things of life spiral I have to remember that for every but life the lack of control throws at me there is the but God. Because God is greater than all the other. He has proven that if it wasn't for His Presence in my life I would have died many deaths a long time ago and would likely be a bitter and angry person. 

But God reminds me of His resurrection power and when I humble myself before Him then He will walk the unknowns with me because He has already been there and knows where on the map I am. He knows what the next steps are and how I will find my new place and purpose in life. 

Outside my office window is a building that is neglected. In the gutters there are ferns that somehow grow down from nothing.  Most of the time they look brown and dead. But then God sends the rain. And with just a touch of moisture they turn green and grow.  Just as quickly they turn brown and shrivel up again. 

What a vivid reminder that when my heart breaks or feels overwhelmed and dead it only takes a drink of the living water that God offers from a relationship with Him and we can be renewed and restored. I just have to keep my face in the water that restores my soul. 

“but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."” John 4:14 ESV