Today I am less than 24 hours from being three weeks out of surgery. On the 14th of January I had a bi-lateral mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction. Last Tuesday I went back to work part time. I will try not to get too graphic but basically some amazing doctors removed the breast cancer from my body and rebuilt my breasts with my own skin and fat. It was an all day, eight hour surgery, three days in the hospital and then the wearing of drains and restricting garments. Monday a week ago they removed my drains and belly button stitches. I'm still wearing binders and special bras and I still have stitches below my breasts and some sticky tape across my abdomen. My recovery has been good so far and each day I'm a little stronger and a little less exhausted by the end of the day.
But ... I could not have done this alone. No way, no how. My daughter and parents stayed the first few nights at the hospital. There were others there, my sister who came just to be there. I honestly don't remember much from the hospital stay except for a lot of cute male nurses. I don't know why that seemed to implant on my brain but I've had a few hospital stays and that is not the norm. I'm not sure what I said or did other than one definite bout of vomiting and lots of checking of drains and veins and all the things that go on in a hospital. It was a generally pleasant hospital stay.
Once I was home though, had I not had my amazing husband I would not have survived. He was and still is the best nurse ever. He lets me do what I can without telling me not to and then tucks me in with kisses and blankets when I've hit my limit. He helped empty drains and change my clothes and clean more vomit. He deserves a medal and I honestly couldn't love him more. He is my rock.
Now to my tribe. I hear people talk about their "tribe" and I decided I need to share mine. You see we really can't do life alone. We need other people. Trust me - I have tried. I am a true to the core introvert and I can stay in my room with a good book or movie for extended periods of time. But I've always known I had a tribe. My first tribe is my family. Just like the Native American culture I studied in college what we are born into shapes our first tribe. Some are good and nurturing and caring and sadly some are not. I was blessed with the best kind of tribe. A tribe that believes in a God bigger than us all. A tribe that I know will pick up and come running if I call.
I had a boss who told me about a book he read where the author indicated that if you didn't have at least 5 people that you could pick up the phone and call in an emergency situation then you were too isolated. Even as a hard core introvert, outside of my immediate family I know of so many people I could call for help in an emergency. And I mean any emergency. There are some I could call for just emotional support, some for physical and some even for financial if it got that dire.
My tribe is established in faith. Most if not all of them are believers in God but some have other beliefs and I still count them in my tribe. I have received cards, notes, gifts and comments from people scattered around the world. My daughter put out a call to my tribe asking they sent me notes of encouragement. I have read them all. Some of these people I don't know but I count them as my tribe.
Everybody's tribe is different. Each one of us needs a tribe. Not just our families because sometimes that just isn't enough. Sometimes they are too far away. More than once I've been blessed by a tribe of people who came together over an experience, a loss, an illness or just a sense of needing others. We need each other. Kindness and love and just making connections is more urgently needed than ever.
I can't list all the names of my tribe but they are scattered around the world. They are fellow believers, fellow warriors, fellow survivors and just fellow humans. If you find yourself without a tribe then just call out to God. He will send you what you need and who you need just at the right time. Hold on to them. You may not need them every day. You may not talk to them every day and there may be days your tribe shifts and changes to meet your current life situation. That's what a tribe does.
I want to just share one more thing. Be intentional. If you need a tribe then go find them and then be intentional in cultivating the relationship. Not all in your tribe will be your besties. They may just be the person beating the drum for a time or the one guarding the gate. There are different jobs in our tribes and that is okay. Just remember that if you are in a tribe that makes you a necessary part as well.
So today I say thanks to my tribe. Thank you for all you have done and are doing to help me on the road to full recovery. There was no other cancer and I will take some hormone inhibitors for a few years but otherwise I should make a full recovery. I couldn't have done it without you. All of the notes, prayers, thoughts and words of encouragement give me strength to keep plugging away and building back up to full strength.
