Laying it All Down

“And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:38-39 ESV

I read the book by Kyle Idleman called Not a Fan a few years back. It was very convicting of how so often we are just fans of Christ and not followers.  Jesus called us to be followers. To lay everything down for Him. 

This morning I was thinking about how amazingly our God restores. When we truly lay all of our life at His feet then He does amazing things with what we give Him. In order to lay it all down sometimes we have to face difficult and heart breaking situations. They break down the pride and control we think we have. Then we recognize that God is bigger and we lay it at His feet. 

When we give things to God - things like unmet expectations, dreams, relationships, our children, our fears and our desire for what we think is a normal life - He picks those up and sometimes crushes them completely in order to remake them into the beautiful design that He has for us. He takes out the imperfections and when He restores them to us they may look nothing like we imagined but they are more vibrant and alive and more closely follow His will. 

That's really hard for me. I want to fix things and work out plans and see my kids do exactly what I think is best for them. I stumble and fall and when I lay things at His feet sometimes I try to pick them up and take them back. But God never gives up. He keeps breaking and piecing together and reshaping and remolding and making beautiful things from the broken pieces. 

Laying it all down is a daily thing. We have to let go every day of what we want and let God. Just let Him show us the next step and the next direction. What peace comes from knowing that the God of creation and resurrection is holding the pieces of my life in His hands. He calls me to follow. Each day laying it down so He can pick it up and point towards home. Not home here in this mixed up scary world but home with Him. Someday I will be perfect in His arms seeing how He fit all the pieces together. I just have to follow. I don't have to worry about the tomorrows. Just seek Him every day with all I am. 

Keeping the Chains

I woke up with one of my memory verses on my mind. It was on instant replay and stayed fresh every time. 

26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:26 NIV)

The thing that strikes me so about this today is that as believers we are set free from the chains that trap us. 

Things like addiction, fear, the things we do that no one knows but God, the past traumas or sins that we believe someone else did to us and the things in our head that tell us we don't measure up. All those chains keep us from freedom in Christ and they allow the devil to use us for his plans. 

Even if we believe Christ set us free do we believe that for others?  Lately I've seen some situations where someone's past sins were used by others to not only try to hold them captive but they hold the person judging them captive as well. If satan can keep us offended and hurt and bitter about something we did or something someone else did to us then we are being used by the traps of the devil. 

We are to show Christ's love in everything. Even when we don't agree or feel like somehow we are getting back at someone by judging their sin as less than ours we are not loving like Christ and we are letting the chains of our past keep us from joy. 

Sometimes someone else's sin has a significant impact on our lives. How we let that affect us can be either used by God or against God. If we decide that we should cut them out of our lives or make choices that we know will hurt them then we are trying to keep them in chains but really only chaining ourselves in bitterness.   

We have to embrace our freedom and forgive the past and allow those people to be free as well. That is not always easy and only when we seek God can we live free and allow others to be free as well. 

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

Galatians 5:13 ESV

Burn the traps that the devil wants to use. Pour the oil of mercy, grace and forgiveness on them and ignite them with God's unconditional love. 

Just Go - Just Love

“Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Ananias.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.” But Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.””

Acts 9:10-17 ESV

You know I've always loved the story of Saul's conversion. He was so confronted by Jesus that he changed dramatically. I was reading this story last night in my devotions and God pointed out a different piece to the story that I hadn't thought about in depth. What about Ananias? 

Here is a believer like me. Seeking to follow God and listening for His voice and then God gave him a direction. A job, a chance to serve. Go and look for a man named Saul. 

A man who was evil.

A man who was legalistic.

A man who wanted to kill believers.

A man who needed to know Jesus. 

Ananias didn't know that Jesus had already broken Saul. All He knew was God said go and at first he hesitated. Just long enough to be reassured that it was God's plan but still unaware of the outcome. Saul and Ananias weren't alike. They didn't practice their religion the same way or believe the same or look the same or act the same. I'm sure Ananaias was afraid he would die. And yet he went. 

He went and showed the most important thing to Saul. He showed the love of Jesus. Saul directly received the wrath and change that a meeting with Jesus could bring but he needed to see the love. He needed the touch of another person to complete the change. To give him new eyes to see. 

It made me think of our culture. We are so quick to either judge what we aren't comfortable with or tolerate what we know is wrong. The story of Saul deals with both. Jesus didn't tolerate Saul's sin - He confronted it. And even though Ananias was afraid he still did what God asked and showed love. 

Think of how exciting for Ananias to see the fruit of his ovedience years down the road as Paul's ministry helped build the church. We never know what God will do with our obedience. We are just called to go and love. 

Every day - live love - live Jesus - live obedient. We may not see the impact but the love we share makes a difference. Be intentional in your relationships and seek God first and don't be afraid to love those we don't understand. God knows and He will be glorified. 

It Is Really Not the Noise That I Miss

So as an introvert I don't always need noise.  I like the quiet - I don't mind being by myself and I love to read.  Those things make the quiet necessary for me to regroup and often deal with people - especially crowds.  Last night as I was driving home from picking up my son I realized that in the past when my kids were gone that what I missed wasn't the noise they make.  I missed the noise their presence represented. 

My son was talking and telling me in great detail a variety of things about his weekend, about life and about the news and just a range of subjects.  And as I looked out the front window of my car with the miles passing quickly by it hit me like a ton of bricks that in a few short months I would miss that noise.  The noise that his just being there brings.  The words and the random conversations at the drop of a hat.  The car rides and time spent just together.  Not always loud and not always noisy - just the noise of his presence.  The loudness of who he is. 

It's what I miss most about my daughter.  Not that she doesn't call and we visit and I hear her voice.  It's the power of her presence.  Her in the car beside me or in the room next door just doing her thing.  It's the knowing that I could walk down the hall and see her or go look for them when they giggle. 

When the kids were little and it got too quiet you knew something was up and you went to find out what.  As they got older it wasn't always the noise or quiet - it was just having them close.  Being able to see them and touch them and have sudden random conversations and giggles and movies and trips to the mall or the park or anything. 

I worked with the elderly for a long time - going into their homes and seeing their needs and the one thing that always struck me was how much they wanted to talk and they wanted you to stay and visit for a while and just to be there with them.  They didn't really care that I wasn't family or even a close personal friend.  I was just a noise in the room that told them they weren't alone. 

Last night as I was driving home I realized its the presence that brings the noise that I will miss when my son goes to college and my daughter continues in college.  Their presence just continues to grow distant over time.  I know they are still there and I can call and they will call and we will visit but the constant noise of their presence will end.  That's the part that as a mom you just can express very well in words.  That's why we cry when they grow up.  Not because we miss the noise but because we miss the presence. 

We do that with God.  We let the noise of the world drown out His presence.  In just a moment lives can change - people die or leave or get injured unexpectedly - and we are left with a lack of presence.  We get caught up in a worship style or music or some other thing that drowns out the sound of our God who just wants to fill our days with His presence.  Can you hear Him?  Do you feel the noise of His presence drowning out the sorrow and loneliness?  He is there telling us to breathe in His presence and He will fill up all the empty places.  But we have to actively listen and seek Him. 

I'm going to miss the presence of my children being right there with me all the time - I already miss my daughter - but I know my God will never leave me if I just cling to His presence.

Psalm 16:11English Standard Version (ESV)
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

 

One of the most powerful songs I ever heard was sung at the funeral of my daughter by a sweet friend. It's title says it all - "In The Presence of Jehovah".
 

In and out of situations
that tug of war at me
All day long I struggle
for the answers that I need
But when I come into His presence
All my questions become clear
And in that sacred moment
No doubts can interfere

In the presence of Jehovah
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended
In the presence of the King

Through His love the Lord provided
A place for us to rest
A place to find the answers
In our hour of distress
Now there's never any reason
For you to give up in despair
Just slip away and breathe His name
You will surely find Him there

In the presence of Jehovah
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended
In the presence of the King

In the presence of Jehovah
God Almighty, Prince of Peace
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended
In the presence of the King

So when the quiet of the world or the noise starts to overwhelm you - just seek His presence and He will give you peace in the quiet.

Letting Anger Steal

Anger is usually a secondary emotion. I bought a kids book once that talked about a rabbit who would explode and no one wanted to be around him. He finally learned that the anger was a result of some other emotion. 

I think it's sad when we let anger become a reason for treating one another poorly. If we could only learn to look deeper and figure out what we are angry about and process the reason for the anger and not use it against people. 

I've always believed that hurt people - hurt people. When we are hurt we use that to justify hurting someone who hurt us or someone else. The old trickle down theory. When I'm upset I take it out on those around me. 

Lately I've noticed that sometimes when we think we can judge the mistake someone else made in their dealings with us we use that as a reason to treat them poorly or turn our backs on them. It's especially obvious with kids and parents. We see that our parent somehow didn't live up to our expectations or hurt us in some way so we use that as a reason to be mean or withhold our love. In our blame driven society we always want someone else to be responsible. Even for our choices and actions as a result of some retaliation for a perceived wrong or hurt. 

The reality is at some point we have to choose to forgive or lose those relationships. We let the hurt become anger and eventually bitterness. We look back and realize we have missed out on so much just because of a mistake or behavior that someone else made. 

If only we could live looking at the jewel inside instead of the actions and mistakes on the outside. Look beyond why the world sees and be willing to forgive. 

Lazy or Afraid

Sometimes I can't decide if we have become a lazy society or a fearful society. I think a case could probably be made for both. We are often so afraid to do something because we might fail or disappoint someone. But beyond that I think we sometimes are afraid of what might be involved and we just don't want to commit to something that will consume too much of "our" time. 

I see this in myself. There are some things that I would love to do and as I look at the upcoming changes and relocation in my life I have to ask myself constantly am I scared or just too lazy.  Planning and looking ahead is a necessary evil but it produces procrastination and fear. 

I have to remind myself every day that tomorrow does not come with a guarantee. I have to stay in today but plan as if tomorrow is coming. That means I have to be brave and do the things that I don't really want to. 

I'll be honest. I don't like to be the center of attention - I don't like to feel like I'm putting people out and I would much rather make a decision knowing it has a desired outcome or makes someone else happy.  That makes it a little hard to plan a wedding. Personally a fairy godmother who would pick the dress and plan the decor and make all the decisions would make me happy. Why? Because then I would feel like I was putting anyone out or causing anyone to be unhappy with the decisions. Life doesn't work that way and I have to remind myself that it really is okay to occasionally let it be about me. 

So for the moment I'm going to try to move forward and make decisions that I like and try not to worry that someone might be disappointed or that the outcome isn't in my control. 

My God knows what tomorrow will hold. I don't have to. I just have to seek Him and let Him guide my choices. 

The Moments We Cling To

“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9 ESV

Sometimes we wonder where God is. We think we are doing what He wants and seeking Him and yet we can't sense His presence or hear His voice. It's in those times we cling to the truth and to the moments in our past where we knew without doubt He was working in and with us. 

In the Old Testament God directed the Israelites to collect stones from the Jordan to mark their passing through on dry land and then to build a memorial to mark the place so they could tell their children of the great things God had done for them. 

“and command them, saying, ‘Take twelve stones from here out of the midst of the Jordan, from the very place where the priests’ feet stood firmly, and bring them over with you and lay them down in the place where you lodge tonight.’”

that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, ‘What do those stones mean to you?’ then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.””

Joshua 4:3, 6-7 ESV

Just as they did in Bible times so do we need to mark the moments that we know God spoke to us or showed up for us at different points in our lives. Whether by intentionally making a memory or a picture or journal or whatever means we choose to mark those moments they are what we have to cling to when we face the days that seem empty of His presence. 

I have many memories that I can turn back to when I'm struggling through the quiet days and beyond that I have the truths of the Bible to dwell on to remember what God has done. 

One of my favorite hymns is the Old Rugged Cross. The lyrics are a great reminder of the biggest memory or moment I can cling to. The cross where my Savior died to give me the opportunity to dwell with Him in eternity. 

I will cling to the old rugged cross,

And exchange it some day for a crown.

Just as the Israelites built a memorial so we need to cling to the moments where God makes Himself known to us. They are the memories that sustain for a lifetime. 

Never Shaken

“Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”

Psalm 62:2 NIV

There have been many things in my life that have seemed to rock my world. Changes and losses that so easily threaten to overwhelm me. Growing up with a military father and as a shy introverted kid there was always change that threatened to take me under. 

Early in my life I discovered some things that were constants. One was my family. Every new or hard situation was not faced fully alone. I always had someone to play with and knew they were there even if distance separated us. We didn't always see eye to eye and maybe don't talk every day but they are there and a constant. 

The other constant from an early age was God. We were always involved in church so I grew up knowing about God and at a young age I asked Him to forgive my sin and be my Savior. Over the years He has been my constant. I haven't always drawn close to Him as I should and my relationship with Him has grown as He has slowly broken down all my barriers and rebuilt them as He sees fit. But just having Him and knowing He is always there and always faithful leaves me on unshakable ground. 

As I'm moving forward in changing days I know I will never be shaken because my foundation is on the Rock of Ages. 

After The Decorations are Put Away

“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:2 ESV

It's a new year and it promises to be one of a lot of change. Christmas was so low key and non stress filled this year and after the decorations came down and it all got packed away I sat back and realized why it seemed so easy this year. I focused on my people. I wasn't trying to find just the right gift or make just the right thing I just got to take off 10 days and enjoy family. 

The gift of relationship is challenging. I don't have a lot of close people in my life and I've learned over time that I'm okay with that. I have learned also that I have to be very intentional in relationships. To grow them and nurture them so they can be all they are meant to be. 

I was beyond blessed this holiday season to get engaged to an incredible man. It all started as a friend helping a friend and even after hitting some very rocky ground it grew even stronger.  The key to that and all relationships is one thing - love. Not the superficial - mushy - hearts and valentines stuff. The deep God given love that is beyond what we can give in our own right. It's about action. It's about choosing love every day. 

My word for this year is change. I'm gonna be facing a lot of it. And when I read the verse in 1 Cornthians 13:2 I was reminded that it doesn't really matter what I say or do if I don't have the love that only God can give in everything then I have nothing but actions and words. With no meaning or substance. I and my people are far from perfect and I'm not always gonna do or say the right thing but if I have God's love in my life then He will show me when I need to forgive or be forgiven - speak or be quiet - act or wait. He will show me how to love. 

So after all the decorations are put up and the resolutions are written and often broken the one thing I have to focus on in this year of change is keeping my heart right with God so He can take care of all the rest.