Complicated Consequences

All choices have consequences. It doesn't matter how big or how small the choice each one has an outcome that is a direct result of that choice.  

Over the years I have tried to always teach my children the reality of consequences. If I told them not to jump on the bed I did it with the explanation that jumping on the bed might cause you to fall and bust your head. I wanted them to understand the things they did came with consequences. I haven't always succeeded. I haven't always stuck to the parenting rule of threats for behavior and consequences as a result. Sometimes I've protected or justified or tried to fix it. 

I've come to realize that my co-dependent fix it nature shines the most with my kids. I want them to do the best and be the best and sometimes that's good in that I have pushed them to finish the things they start. Commitment to finish what you promised to do even if it isn't as fun as you thought and when they decide it's too much they are responsible for making the call to the person they made the promises to. 

Then there are the other things I haven't been as good at. Making sure they understood the impact of not doing homework or waiting to the last minute to do something and then nagging or helping them. It's hard to be the bad guy and sometimes you just want to throw up your hands. 

And then a light came on for me. I'm not the bad guy. I'm just the mom trying to get them to the next step. Ultimately they choose whether they stick with something or finish their homework or graduate. They have to want to do those things. Not just because I want them to but because they recognize the consequences and make the choices in light of the outcome. 

As an adult I can look back on my choices and recognize the consequences. Each thing I chose to do or not to do had repercussions and those are like circles in the pond when you drop the stone. The circles keep spreading out. As parents our choices early in our lives impact our children and the grandchildren to come. Whatever we do as a parent touches their lives for eternity. How they treat people and how they live life is a result of something they learned either good or bad from us and we learned from our parents. We tend to choose to do the same as or the opposite of what we learned depending on how we interpreted what we were taught. 

Just as the Israelite kings either followed after God or the idols of the land each choice had a lasting impact on the next generation. As believers the way we share Christ has a lasting impact on the next generation. It's a choice we make. What image of Christ are we showing. We choose. We choose every day to be like Him or not. 

So some consequences are hard and some days you wake up and realize it's time to choose different. Choose to be like Christ. 

“His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.”

Luke 1:50 NIV

Jealous Love

Jealousy can be such an ugly word and thought, when we are talking about relationships and I've always struggled a bit with that connotation when I read the verse in the bible that talks about God being a jealous God. 

In the Merriam-Webster dictionary this is how jealous is defined - "intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness".  This weekend I had a reality check epiphany and I suddenly had a slightly better understanding of this. 

As a mom you see the changes in your children too close to recognize how quickly they are taking place. When they are tiny you hold them and snuggle them and think of what comes next. We say I can't wait to see them crawl and walk and talk. And each phase anticipates the next. And we have hugs and snuggles and their presence in our homes and clenched deep in our hearts. Even when they hit the terrible twos and monster teens we still have those moments and their presence. 

The last couple of years I've experienced the changing relationships and my kids are growing and moving into that next phase and this weekend I spent an hour waiting around in town just to see my daughter for five minutes. To hug her and look at her face and be in her presence. 

And that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of those who get to experience her presence. How I miss her presence. Even the moments of drama and grumpiness. Just knowing she was close made me aware of her presence. That's why when my kids are gone the house seems more silent. Their lack of presence leaves a void. 

It's why every time my fiancé comes to town and leaves it's harder to let him go. I miss his presence. That's when I really understood why our God is a jealous God. He loves us so much He misses our presence. When we let anything or anyone rival our time with Him, He is jealous. Not in necessarily an angry controlling way - He gives us free will after all. But He longs for us to long for time with Him the way He longs for time with us. 

I get it now. Jealous love is different when the love is empowering and all consuming without being overbearing and controlling and ugly as we tend to distort it in our humanness. 

I miss my people when they aren't around and I'm jealous of all those who get to experience their presence. I can't even imagine how God feels when He gave so much for us and we don't spend time in His presence daily. 

“But Joshua said to the people, “You are not able to serve the Lord, for he is a holy God. He is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions or your sins.”

Joshua 24:19 ESV

When the Waves are Rocking the Boat

So last night at choir practice I was reminded of a beautiful truth. We were working on a new song that is a different arrangement of It Is Well With My Soul.

One phrase just jumped out and grabbed me.  "So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name."  Wow!!  Trust in Him - and let go. Why? Because He still rules the waves and wind. The God of creation is still in control. The storms that rage in and around my life are still subject to His voice. He rules them - He is working in and through Him. 

I needed the reminder that I just have to trust and praise Him every day in the midst of every storm. He is the great I Am and He is, has and always will be. So let go my soul and trust. Just let Him handle it. Like the lighthouse on the hill if we keep our focus on Him rather than the waves and praise Him - He will lead us safely home. 

And if we don't trust and praise Him then He is still in control and storms will still rage only we will cower in the bottom of the boat. Stand in the bow and let the wind and waves blow your hair and wet your face because God is still in control and the waves and wind still know His name and if we don't praise Him the rocks will. 

"“He answered, “I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out.””

Luke 19:40 ESV

Listen With Ears to Hear

We get so distracted these days. We are busy and entertained at the touch of our fingers. And we are losing it. Losing our ability to hear. Not just the physical hearing loss but the ability to listen without interruption and sense the heart behind the words. 

I'm being reminded that time is precious and I've said before that we don't truly understand the power of words to influence lives. But just as important as using the right words is the importance of knowing when to be quiet and focused so we can truly hear. Hear the hurt or anger or frustration behind the words. We are often preparing our less than thought out or prayed about wisdom filled answer that we miss what is really being said. 

Relationships are truly the most important thing. And when we are truly communicating we hear more than words. I'm one of the worst people at remembering events and sometimes people and often conversations. But I understand that I need to truly focus if I want to hear what's going on. My kids have on more than one occasion called me on my not paying attention to the conversation and then I have to actually apply the listening principles and focus my attention. 

The same can be said of our communication with God. We have to listen - with our hearts and minds and to the ways He speaks to us. If we want to hear what He says we have to focus on Him and His heart. 

Proverbs 1:5 "Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance,"

It's Just Another Day

Why do we make such a big deal out of certain dates on the calendar?  So often we set these dates as the end all be all to our existence. Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas and Easter are just a few that come to mind. The reality is they are just days on a calendar. A little square box just like all the others. Yet we set such great expectations for them that often we are disappointed or emotionally burdened or financially burdened trying to make something significant out of the date. 

Don't get me wrong. I think that the remembrance that the dates signify is important. I think as believers it's important that we remember the birth and sacrifices made by Christ on our behalf. And telling your parents or significant other you are thinking of them and love them is important. But shouldn't those remembrances be something we do every day? Not just on certain days. 

We should be loving and kind to all people all the time and especially so to those who are important in our lives.  When we put so much significance on the date then it loses the significance. It just becomes one more way that we set ourselves up to be disappointed by people. 

Our primary focus on each and every day should be God. Our most intimate creator and the one who never lets us down. If we keep our focus on Him then the love we share with others doesn't have to be reciprocated in some specific way. Because when we love like Him there is no expectation placed on the other person to perform in a certain way. It should be a daily evidence of what God has done for us and when we have those dates our joy in doing, giving and serving should fill our day beyond our expectations. 

Our joy in expressing His love for those we love should be enough. So much so that any outward sign from someone else is just icing. 

So this Valentine's Day seek to give love beyond yourself and then you won't be disappointed in what does or doesn't happen. Because after all, it's just another day. 

Tell me Why

Some day you are going to come to me and tell me you want to marry my child. I've been praying for you and for them to find the person God intends for them to spend the rest of their life with. I've prayed for you to be compassionate and kind and to love them with all of your being. I've prayed the same for your family. That they will love and accept my child as their own. 

Most important of all I've prayed that you will love God more than you love my child. Because I've found that if you love God more than anything then God will teach you how to love my child. 

Love is an action word and there will be days that my child (they aren't perfect you see) will make you work to love them. You will have to get up every day planning to love them in spite of how you feel. 

I want you to know that if you love my child you will be blessed. You will gain a large and loving and often crazy family. I will stand behind them to the end and you will become my child. It's always been that way. Their friends become family when they walk through my door. There are many I love as my children scattered around the world. And when you become part of their lives you become part of mine. I will treat you as I do them. 

When you tell me you want to marry my child I just want to know a couple of things. Do you love God first and will  you help my child to continue to draw close to Him? I think that's pretty straightforward. 

Next I want to know why?  Why do you love my child?  Don't come to me with an easy answer. You'd better be able to explain in great detail what you love about my child and what you like. Do you see their weaknesses? Do you love them enough to not want to change those but push them to their dreams and goals?  Do you see all of them and not just the surface? Do you realize you get the whole family?

When you tell me you love my child and want to marry them tell me why you will love them ninety years from now. Why you will love them when times are hard or times are easy.

You see if you can tell me why then I will see it in how you treat them and how you look at them. Trust me - I am very good at knowing my children and I will know. I will see more than you know and I will be your biggest advocate if you truly love my child. So when you come to me - just tell me Why. 

No Guarantees

Life doesn't come with a money back guarantee. It sure would be nice if we could know without any doubt that each choice or step we make will turn out exactly the way we want. But that's not how it works. 

Sometimes we hold a baby who didn't get to stay with us or a son who is near death or a daughter who's heart is breaking and you don't know the right words to say. Some days it seems like the fear of what comes next overshadows the joy and peace that comes from God.  Some days I wonder if I've done any of this parenting, friending, daughtering or loving thing right.  

Did I lead when I should have followed or spend when I should have saved or shown mercy when I should have disciplined?  How do I know anything is right or if the next step will lead to still waters or the cliff's edge?  I don't. Not really. I can look at all the possibilities and ask all the right questions and talk to wise friends and still not know that the next step will go the way I want. 

All I can do is trust. Pray that God will give me wisdom and provision and then just trust. Trust in the God who created the world and loved us enough to send His Son to die and who is the God of resurrection. And as easy as it sounds it's one of the hardest things to do. Just sit back and wait for God to do what He does. Help me take the next step. 

The God who hears my cries and will hold my hand when I really don't know what the next step is or if I've done anything right. He is what I cling to and I just take the next stepped that is illuminated by the light of the Holy Spirit. He alone gives me strength for the next thing and He alone never forsakes me. 

Thank you God for being all I need. 

Get Out of the Way

“He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.”

Acts 1:7 ESV

I'm a fixer. It's my nature. I like to fix the things around me. It goes back to control and wanting to be in charge of what happens next. 

This morning I was reminded that sometimes - no make that all the time - I just need to get out of the way. You see I pray and believe that God will do things but then I try to figure out ways to help. I guess part of me thinks God needs my help to fix my problems or the problems of those I love. But He doesn't. He doesn't need my help. He might use me to help in the process but I really just have to get out of His way. 

So today I'm praying for the things I know are needs or concerns in my life and my people's lives but I'm also praying that God will grow my faith and help me get out of the way. 

He's got this, I just have to trust Him.