Which Voice

I've always heard there are many voices vying for your attention and trying to give you wisdom or advice. Some are urgent and seem to really strive to attract your focus while others are quiet and in their silence speak volumes. 

Lately I've struggled with voices. The voice in my mind that represents all my insecurities and the voice that I recognize as truth. It's been said that satan is the father of lies and his voice is persistent. While the voice of God is often a quiet whisper in our hearts and ears. 

I started a lot of new in the last few weeks and one of the big things was a new job. Any time you start something new there is a learning curve. Things they may seem simple or easy in the past may not be in a new environment or where there are slight differences in the way something is done. 

Add to the newness a separate desire to please people and do the best to impress and very quickly the voices in my mind can get very skewed. I've always said my expectations of myself and my own self talk can be some of the scariest things I face. My new job is proving that true. I'm striving to not allow the voices in my head that say I can't, or it's too hard to rule my thoughts. When I take my focus off the one thing I should be about - pleasing God and not people - I start to fall under the weight of the voices and feel like I don't measure up. 

I let the job and the fact that I've only been doing it a couple of weeks so I'm  not perfect define who and where my worth is. That's so dumb and yet for the past couple of weeks I have been fighting my own mind. Imagining what other people might be thinking instead of acknowledging that I just haven't been there long enough to really figure it out. 

Of course as God so often does He opened my eyes a little wider this morning with our Connection Class lesson in 1 Samuel. It was about where David had the opportunity - the open door if you will - and yet He chose not to take the perfect chance to kill Saul - his enemy. Instead, he listened to the still small voice of the Father. The voice that said just trust me and my plan and just like that He kept seeking God and eventually God took care of Saul in His time and His way so David didn't have to shed the blood of the king. 

How often do we walk through the door ahead of God and end up in a situation or with a choice where the consequences were much worse when if we had waited on God things might have worked out differently. Therein is often my struggle. As I've said before I'm a fixer and just like that God reminded me today that I'm not God - I can't fix everything. I'm not perfect and I have to constantly be in His presence or else the other voices can so easily drown His out. 

His voice is the voice of the shepherd and if I'm not seeking the relationship with Him built in intimacy then my voice or the voices of my past are too loud and overwhelm me. 

I don't know if you struggle with voices from the world, or your past, or your own negative self talk but satan is quick to try to use those to come at you fast and hard so you can't hear the calming voice of the Father. So seek His face so you can recognize the voice of the one who chose you and frees you and seeks to remind you that you are worthy. Just as you are - you are flawless and beautiful to the one who made you. 

This job won't defeat me and in time I pray it will be all that I know it can and I will be able to be all they need. Until I learn it though I will listen to the Father and not my negative thoughts. 

Starting Over with New Beginnings

Sitting here watching a birthday cake cook and pondering how I got to be almost fifty and I'm in a season of new things. I always thought when you turned fifty you would be old and settled and secure. However, that was not the life that I was dealt. 

I remember thinking as the child of a marine moving from place to place that when I was grown I would feel so secure in a home where I never moved. I wanted my kids to grow up in a neighborhood where they could say they had friends for life. To me that seemed to speak of security. 

Friday, I started a new job, in a new house, in a new city with a new husband and on Tuesday, I turn fifty. In my youthful days I would say that was old but today I consider it a new beginning. The beginning of something new and exciting. A time to learn and grow and experience something new. 

I found security isn't in stuff, houses, cities, or lifelong friends. Security only comes from God. When I seek His face every day I find my worth and value and my security. 

His plan for my life included a life of brokenness and transition. A life of new beginnings and friends and acquaintances scattered around the globe bonded together by faith. There area handful of those people I could call at the drop of a hat and they would come or call or help. Some have fallen along the way but still had an impact on my journey. I'm thankful for the almost fifty years of life experiences, changes and the times that required starting over and for the many people I've encountered along the way. 

My security lies in the one who died to give it to me. If you feel lost or broken rest in the one who secures all things. He alone is the rock. 

“And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.” Job 11:18 ESV