Dust Bunnies

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  PSA.51.10.ESV

I am not a fan of dusting.  It is one of those chores that I put off until the last possible minute.  Typically that comes about when I notice I can write on the table or the dust bunnies start to look like they can carry off the dog.  Oh, I clean my house, vacuum, mop, and all the other fun tasks but I just don't dust weekly.

Today was a dust day.  It was time and it seemed that it spoke volumes to me this morning.  I was contemplating some other emotional struggles and in light of those I had a small epiphany.  How do those tiny little particles of dust come together to create visible dust bunnies?

Little specs of nothing seem to gather together and create piles and strips of thick dust.  It is overwhelming to contemplate.  In light of my epiphany I had this thought.  Emotions are the same way.  So often we store up little hurts or little perceived negative feelings until they become nasty little or big dust bunnies.  The big difference between dust and emotions is that when you want you can wash away dust bunnies.  Just sweep them out and mop.  Feelings and emotions don't quite work that way.  

Emotions that are spawned by tiny little feelings can suddenly spew out in great negatives unless we learn to take them captive.  The problem is that if we aren't addressing them on a regular basis then when we finally do we are seen as being mean or ugly.  What should ideally happen is we should communicate the hurts early and often so they don't fester and mold into giant dust bunny farms.  

Sometimes we easily recognize the hurt feelings or perceived slights and we can rationally process them as most likely our own over active imagination.  But when enough perceived hurts come together then the perception tends to become the reality.  What we perceive as real is what we usually believe to be real.  I tend to over think my emotions and usually will just keep them locked up and process them in my own quiet until I can control them.  But every now and then they sneak up on me and come out.  Our emotions will escape their borders if we don't process and deal with them and that is something I so easily forget. 

I was talking to my son just this week and he was washing dishes that had gotten a little smelly.  I reminded him that the longer they sit the more they smell.  It's the same with dust and hurt feelings.  The longer they sit the bigger we let them become. I find when I let it sit too long then I have to apologize to someone for overreacting to something.  

Maybe one day I will be able to just not let the little things hurt my feelings and then it won't matter but that is something I'm still working on.  Just like the verse Romans 12:2,

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I have to learn to take my emotions and hurt feelings and give them to God.  Otherwise they take over and create other issues.  So I am still working on putting this verse into action.  Transforming my mind to stop focusing on me and focus more on Him. It's the only way to keep those pesky emotions from becoming giant dust bunnies. 

Which Voice

I've always heard there are many voices vying for your attention and trying to give you wisdom or advice. Some are urgent and seem to really strive to attract your focus while others are quiet and in their silence speak volumes. 

Lately I've struggled with voices. The voice in my mind that represents all my insecurities and the voice that I recognize as truth. It's been said that satan is the father of lies and his voice is persistent. While the voice of God is often a quiet whisper in our hearts and ears. 

I started a lot of new in the last few weeks and one of the big things was a new job. Any time you start something new there is a learning curve. Things they may seem simple or easy in the past may not be in a new environment or where there are slight differences in the way something is done. 

Add to the newness a separate desire to please people and do the best to impress and very quickly the voices in my mind can get very skewed. I've always said my expectations of myself and my own self talk can be some of the scariest things I face. My new job is proving that true. I'm striving to not allow the voices in my head that say I can't, or it's too hard to rule my thoughts. When I take my focus off the one thing I should be about - pleasing God and not people - I start to fall under the weight of the voices and feel like I don't measure up. 

I let the job and the fact that I've only been doing it a couple of weeks so I'm  not perfect define who and where my worth is. That's so dumb and yet for the past couple of weeks I have been fighting my own mind. Imagining what other people might be thinking instead of acknowledging that I just haven't been there long enough to really figure it out. 

Of course as God so often does He opened my eyes a little wider this morning with our Connection Class lesson in 1 Samuel. It was about where David had the opportunity - the open door if you will - and yet He chose not to take the perfect chance to kill Saul - his enemy. Instead, he listened to the still small voice of the Father. The voice that said just trust me and my plan and just like that He kept seeking God and eventually God took care of Saul in His time and His way so David didn't have to shed the blood of the king. 

How often do we walk through the door ahead of God and end up in a situation or with a choice where the consequences were much worse when if we had waited on God things might have worked out differently. Therein is often my struggle. As I've said before I'm a fixer and just like that God reminded me today that I'm not God - I can't fix everything. I'm not perfect and I have to constantly be in His presence or else the other voices can so easily drown His out. 

His voice is the voice of the shepherd and if I'm not seeking the relationship with Him built in intimacy then my voice or the voices of my past are too loud and overwhelm me. 

I don't know if you struggle with voices from the world, or your past, or your own negative self talk but satan is quick to try to use those to come at you fast and hard so you can't hear the calming voice of the Father. So seek His face so you can recognize the voice of the one who chose you and frees you and seeks to remind you that you are worthy. Just as you are - you are flawless and beautiful to the one who made you. 

This job won't defeat me and in time I pray it will be all that I know it can and I will be able to be all they need. Until I learn it though I will listen to the Father and not my negative thoughts.