Let's fight

Ephesians 6:10 - 18, (NIV) says: 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Today's society has a lot to fight about.  You see it in the news and on every social media venue out there.  People fighting, people dying and arguing over their opinions and preferences.  It's become quite a chaotic world we live in and honestly a scary place.  There is such a low regard for life that disagreements today seem to end in bloodshed and death.  You can't voice an opinion or belief without some form of retaliation - not just from enemies but from those you call friends and even family.

I saw an incredible movie this weekend called "The War Room".  It was an eye opening reminder that the war we fight as believers is not the same.  We are fighting wrong.  Believers should be fighting in truth and love.  It was a humble reminder of the power of prayer and God's amazing love when we fight His way.  You see we are not of this world and we are fighting in the heavenly realms.  That doesn't mean we won't disagree but we shouldn't be disagreeable. 

After I saw the movie our church did an incredible event Honoring our Heroes.  Those men and women who fight on the front lines in the military, police and fire as well as all first responders.  We had the amazing pleasure of Taya Kyle, the wife of American Sniper Chris Kyle as our guest speaker.  That moment of hearing and seeing the honor we give to those who fight in the physical realm just reinforced the importance of fighting well.  The sad thing about War is that people die - in our daily world so many die every day due to war - not just those on the actual battlefield.  The ones who die in the battle against drugs or just plain evil actions. 

One thing that struck home this weekend is that God gives us free will and some choose to follow their own way.  We can choose to follow God and when we do we have to learn to fight through the power of prayer and His word.  When we allow the flow of Him in our lives to fully fill all the nooks and crannies then we fight differently.  We fight in love.  We love people and we love all people the same - even the ones who choose evil.  Our lives should reflect Christ.  When they do then we love even those who commit the horrible things we see in the news.  And that is impossible in our own strength. 

So put on the armor above and when you do, know that you aren't fighting the person in front of you or the current situation but satan who is eagerly waiting for you to get angry and act in that anger rather than to act in God's love.  Just like any warrior we have to be suited up to go into battle.  When your eyes open in the morning the battle begins.  Seek the war room and pray on the armor and prepare for the battle at hand.

My son drew this about 5 years ago and his talent as an artist has flourished.   

 

 

Perfectly Imperfect

Romans 3:10 (NIV) As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one;

2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

I'm not perfect.  No surprise to most people but definitely something I've struggled with.  Thinking if I just worked a little harder or longer or was tougher I could measure up to the invisible level of perfection.  You aren't perfect either.  It took a very wise woman sitting me down when I was a senior in High School and telling me that there was only one person who was perfect and He died so I could spend eternity with Him.  She informed me that if I wanted peace then I need to strive for my best but forget the idea of perfect and to let all the people in my life off the hook as well.  Because my expectations for them were going to just keep causing me heartache and it was totally unfair to them.

Not too long ago I found myself in a very dark place.  Deep in the recesses of my mind and that is a very scary place to get lost.  Sometimes my thoughts can create a lot of fear and after some very challenging life experiences I was wallowing in that overwhelming sense of fear.  It took some major interaction from God to pull me out of the darkness and to remind me to stay focused on today. 

Two big questions really got my attention and made me see a different perspective.  The first question was "Where would you be if not for Jesus?"  Wow!  That moment reminded me that without Christ in my life, I would not just have been lost for eternity but my choices in life would very likely have led me down a very dark path.  Accepting Jesus as my Savior at a very young age provided a rock of stability that nothing else could.  I can't say that I always followed Him closely and allowed Him complete control all the time but I always knew He was there and thinking about what might have been without Him definitely changed my perspective. 

The Second question came on a Walk to Emmaus.  If you've never read the Emmaus account in Luke 24, you should.  It is a time after Christ died and those walking the road to Emmaus were heartbroken over His death.  Then they actually walked in His resurrected presence without comprehending who He was.  Once they did their lives were changed.  Most of my life I walked with God but didn't always comprehend the power of His presence.  I had the opportunity to attend a weekend Walk to Emmaus.  It was an amazing experience during which we were told to  "Think about when you were conceived".   Then write how it makes you feel that at that very moment God knew who you would be. 

I was conceived when my father came home from Vietnam after my mother lost the son that was born the month before my conception.  So the circumstances could easily have been that I would not have been conceived, and yet for some reason God felt that I was to be here.  Although I knew this about my birth all my life it resounded in my heart in a way that it never had before.  Even with all my broken, sometimes bad choices, God knew.  He knew that He had a reason for me.  Enough of a reason that my brother died for me to be here.  The overwhelming presence of His love for me at that moment seemed to pull all the cracked pieces together in a way that I can't explain. 

The most remarkable part of both of these questions and the way God used them in my life was to drive home the fact that I didn't have to be perfect to be used by Him.  Some days I don't know what He wants me to do with my life but right now today, my place is to help my children find Him.  I want them to know that His love is enough for each day and that we only have this moment.  When we worry about the cracks in our lives - our mistakes, our past, our circumstances - then we are stealing the joy of His presence. 

On the last day of my Emmaus weekend, we were given a beautiful teacup.  I immediately broke into tears when I got mine.  Not because of its beauty or the great reminder of the weekend, but because it was cracked.  It wasn't perfect.  It never would be again.  Oh it could have been fixed or even had kintsugi (the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum) to make it even more beautiful.  What I saw was a cracked cup that could be used to pour love through, not out of because that means it gets empty and has to be refilled.  But poured through - the only way to pour love through is to continually pour love in.  That's what I want to be.  Cracked to care - broken enough that Christ's love pours into me and out again on to others who are broken or cracked. 

2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

 
 

Lay Down Your Life

John 15:13 (NIV) Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

So, would you?  Lay down your life?  For a Friend?  For a stranger?  As believers we are called to love enough to lay down our lives for our friends.  I was thinking about this, and a couple of words that have seemed to take up residence in my life recently, and it hit me like a rock to the skull.  Laying down my life - dying - giving a kidney - wouldn't be as difficult as making time for someone.  Wow!  That hurt.  You see I have trouble with people.  I find it easy to say I love everyone and I really try to be accepting and loving towards all people but I don't always make time for them.

Relationships require intentional activity.  The dictionary defines intentional as something done on purpose or deliberate.  And there is the struggle for me.  Ultimately, I'm lazy.  In my lifetime I've met and known a lot of people.  Some I remember because they made an impression, many I don't recall more than their name or face and oftentimes not both.  You see that introverted personality of mine created a large gap in building relationships.  It kept me from going below the surface with most of the people I met.  The reality is most of them I have very few memories of what might have transpired in that relationship.  They say hindsight is twenty, twenty and in some things I would agree, but with memories we tend to remember things either better than they were or worse and if we don't make a point of marking that moment then we might not remember at all. 

Lately, I've truly been convicted about being more intentional in my relationships.  There are many levels in our friendships - some truly are just surface relationships and some go a little deeper while very few make it to that intimate level of knowing everything there is to know.  Christ is the most intimate relationship we can have.  Why? Because He knows it all.  Everything we think, everything we do.  The things in the light and the things in the dark.  The things we want Him to know and the things we don't.  We can't hide from Him.  People only know what we let them and some only know what they see. 

In the past six or seven years, I've come to realize the importance of intentional relationships that are more intimate.  I have a very small list of people who know all or most about me.  Those people I would trust with my life and I would do anything for them.  I even expect them to hold me accountable.  Because they know my weaknesses and if I truly trust them, then I know that when they call me to task its because they love me and know my weaknesses and my strengths and often can see what I can't. 

Beyond those relationships I'm seeing a need to be intentional in giving of my life.  Words of encouragement or just time.  That's hard for me.  You see I'm an enabling co-dependent.  For those who don't understand that it means I really like to be in control and most of the time I think I can fix all your problems so I map everything out and when you don't follow the plan it really messes me up.  So to ask me to lay down my life - my plans, my time, my schedule - just to talk or be with you is harder than if you ask for my life blood.  That I recognize this in myself has taken me years.  I'm working hard at it and striving to deepen the relationships that need deepening and trying to make time for those that just need my presence. It's hard and I can't do it on my own power or strength.  That's why I have to be even more intentional in taking in the love that only Christ can pour in through His word, prayer and fellowship with other believers.  Without Him filling me up then I can't pour into other people. 

Proverbs 18:24 (NIV) One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I don't want to be an unreliable friend and I want to be the kind of friend that counts as family.  To be there in the good and bad.  But to do that I have to be intentional.  And that's just plain hard. 

Sonrise

Habakkuk 3:4 His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand, where his power was hidden.

 

 

 

Psalm 5

1Listen to my words, Lord,

consider my lament.

2Hear my cry for help,

my King and my God,

for to you I pray.

3In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

4For you are not a God who is pleased with wickedness;

with you, evil people are not welcome.

5The arrogant cannot stand

in your presence.

You hate all who do wrong;

6you destroy those who tell lies.

The bloodthirsty and deceitful

you, Lord, detest.

7But I, by your great love,

can come into your house;

in reverence I bow down

toward your holy temple.

8Lead me, Lord, in your righteousness

because of my enemies—

make your way straight before me.

9Not a word from their mouth can be trusted;

their heart is filled with malice.

Their throat is an open grave;

with their tongues they tell lies.

10Declare them guilty, O God!

Let their intrigues be their downfall.

Banish them for their many sins,

for they have rebelled against you.

11But let all who take refuge in you be glad;

let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

12Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous;

you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

(NIV)

Sticks and Stones

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

I read today where it can be said "there are three kinds of givers: the flint, the sponge, and the honeycomb.  To get a spark from a flint you have to hammer it.  To get anything out of a sponge you have to squeeze it.  But a honeycomb just overflows with sweetness."  Right after I read this, I read the verse at the beginning, I'm wondering what God is trying to tell me. 

When we were growing up we used to say sticks and stones can break your bones but words would never hurt you.  Well I believe that's a huge lie and as a parent I believe our words are powerful tools in our hands.  We can shape or break our children with our words.  All relationships flourish with communication or they can die a quick death.  I think so often we take words for granted.  Just letters on a page. 

I wrote about this a little bit in my last blog and I may repeat some things so forgive me but its one of those things that rings deep in my soul sometimes.  You see I have a problem with self esteem.  I used to always worry about what other people thought.  Our family moved around because my father was in the military, so in my early years there was constant starting over with new people.  As an introvert and shy I was doubly challenged in the making friends department.  I need quiet and alone time to recharge, so often people assumed I was a snob.  Every time we had to move about the time I would get comfortable and have friends I would have to start all over again.  Regretfully, I started limiting the connections to very superficial relationships.  Those were easier to leave and maintain.

Learning to adapt to new environments was easy but meeting and building relationships was hard.  Add to that the desire to please people and be accepted and my growing up years were a challenge to say the least.  It's taken me years to let go of a lot of those fears from my school years and I wouldn't say I've arrived by any stretch.  The hardest part of all those moves was wondering what people thought - I never asked.  I just determined in my head that they were pointing and whispering and somehow I didn't measure up. 

The actual words though, they were the hardest.  They say middle school can be the hardest because there is such a difference in growth patterns.  Some kids have arrived and have muscles or breasts or body parts that other kids only dream about.  Sadly enough kids are mean.  We just start out as mean people.  We want to fit and we want to be accepted and so often we think that means we have to make someone else feel less than us and our words spew out in ugliness directed at somehow who isn't like us.  Or we want to blame everyone else for where we are - our parents, our siblings, or those people who have somehow already arrived.  Someone should be to blame for our lack. 

I'm afraid sometimes as parents we don't make it any easier.  We tell our kids things about the way they look or what we see that maybe could be better and without realizing it we are hitting them with negatives and they feel as if they don't quite measure up.  My heart always breaks when I realize I'm doing this or when I hear other people even in jest say words like stupid, or moron, or man you have a big zit right there on your face.  And sometimes its not the words we say but how we say them.  sometimes our tone of voice indicates that someone doesn't measure up or they aren't doing it the right way.  Even worse we try to manipulate and guilt our kids into being what we want and clinging to our side so we feel needed and important.

I spent a lot of time worrying about how I could measure up or what people thought about me when in reality the only relationship I really needed to worry about was how did I measure up to God.  Because as a believer that should be the only thing that concerns me.  If I'm striving to be like Christ and daily seeking Him in His word and through prayer then I begin to see myself differently.  I stop trying to compare myself to everyone and anyone around me and I start realizing my value.  If my inner dialogue starts with Him and ends with Him then the words that flow out of me are much more kind and compassionate.  Love should flow out of us just like the honeycomb that overflows with honey.  Because God is love and all that is in Him is love and all that comes out of Him is love. 

The truth is if I had realized earlier the value and significance of words then how I reflect them to those around me might have been different.  I can't blame anyone for where I am today but me.  My choices and my situations and how I responded to them led me to where I am now.  Far from perfect but oh so much more aware of who I am as a child of God and that should flow naturally out of my heart.  My prayer now is that I will look for God in each person I come across and not worry what they think about me but do they see Christ in me?  Do they know that He is inside and overflowing out in the way I respond or treat them?  I'm not nearly perfect but praise God when He brings me home with Him I will be.  Today all I can do is pour in the sweetness of Him so that it overflows like honey. 

Lemonade

I love lemonade and until recently summertime meant lemonade.  It's funny how what's inside of us can affect our entire being.  Whether it's something we eat or read or hear.  Until I was told I was allergic to lemons (and a variety of other things) I would have never suspected that a lot of good things going in my body were actually causing me a great deal of pain. 

Lemonade is made when the lemon gets squeezed.  I've learned over the years that when things get squeezed, crushed, pressed and stomped on what is inside comes out and that is what is real.  On the outside some things are quite beautiful and can appear amazingly attractive while on the inside there is a putrid or ugliness that spills out when squeezed.  Lemons when squeezed make sour juice but when mixed with sugar they make a delicious beautiful drink and yet if I drink a glass what it does inside of me is not so good.  When I stopped eating the many things my body reacts to I realized just how bad those things made me feel. 

We don't always see how things are hurting us.  Then we get squeezed or bumped and the ugly comes out.  People are especially good at this.  We can be fine one minute and spewing enough venom to kill things the next.  We don't realize that what is inside of us has become ugly until we get squeezed and it comes pouring out.  Words are most painful and although they may just seem like dots on a page they can do the most damage when they aren't filtered through God's love.  But beyond our words our actions can truly reflect the heart of the words.  I can say that I love people but if I don't show it to those around me in kindness then my words are like the Bible says - a clanging symbol.

Often times our words reflect the unseen.  Our life circumstances may be causing us frustration, bitterness, anger or a wealth of other ugly emotions but on the outside we may reflect that all is fine - until somebody messes with our plans or somehow squeezes us.  Then the anger, bitterness, frustrations all come spewing out.  And when that happens the words cut deep and reflect to the receiver a reality that may not be real.  The perception becomes that the words are true and meant as a reflection on who we are and what the other person truly believes about us or the circumstances. 

This passage in James is a good reminder of how powerful the tongue can be and how it reflects what is deep in us that sometimes we don't even know is there. James 3:9-12, NIV "⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹ Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

I am far from perfect at reigning in my tongue and sometimes when I'm tired, hungry, stressed or worried the trickle down words occur.  Maybe I lash out at someone close to me and then regret what I've said.  It's probably nothing that they did to set me off but maybe it's a reflection of the fear in my heart.  See, I like to be in control so when I'm not or feel like I'm not then I react.  The only problem with that is that I'm exhibiting a behavior that isn't always the norm and the words that come out reflect the fear rather than the grace. 

We are the worst with our families.  I think because we expect them to always love us we don't think twice about lashing out with our words.  We just assume they know we love them and forget that sometimes our words seem to reflect what we perceive to be true.  Once the words are out there they can't be taken back.  They can't be forgiven and disappear.  They leave a lasting mark.  Oh, very likely we will move on and forgive but a lifetime of letting the venom out on those we love leaves a lasting mark.  Maybe those we lash out become far more susceptible to overlooking flaws in relationships they should avoid, or learning to push down our emotions and not let the world see the hurt that breaks us, or we become silent and stay away or maybe we just put on a happy face and then when we get squeezed we lash out at the next person we come across. 

The only way to combat the marks left by our words is through our actions.  We have to show love in every way we can and then use the words as a back up only.  Because words really can't be trusted.  They are after all just words.  I think that's why faith without works is not a true reflection of faith.  Granted I believe with all my heart that you can't work and be good enough to get to heaven, that requires faith in our Lord as our Savior.  But if we truly have faith and have asked Jesus to be our Savior then our actions should reflect His love in our lives.  So if our works don't reflect His love then maybe we need to determine if we really believe He has saved us and lives in our hearts. 

I'm not saying if you get upset and lash out then you don't have Jesus in your life.   We all have bad days where we let the frustrations of life come in between us and God.  That's when we have to be careful.  Are we putting enough God inside to help us in those moments to filter our words and actions in love?  Because then maybe we wouldn't get upset if things didn't go our way or if we get squeezed a little by life. 

So I leave with this verse - James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.We all need healing - whether we lash out with words or actions or whether we are the ones who feel the pain.  Pray for one another always.  Our most powerful tool.

Mother of the Year - NOT!!

So, I've been thinking a lot about this mom thing.  Especially now that my kids are almost grown.  With one a senior in high school and one a senior in college it weighs even heavier on my mind.  I am so not the mother of the year and never will be and every day there is something that I think I could have done different or better but then I have to remind myself that it's not about me. 

Being a mother, really isn't about me.  All I am or should be is a conduit.  A conduit of knowledge, discipline, love and most importantly God's love for the gift that He entrusted to me.  I hear and probably have said more than once the phrase, "my kids are my world" and lately I've decided that phrase is a sad statement about me.  Should I love my kids - yes.  Should I support them in every way - yes.  But my world should be first and foremost about God.  About seeking Him and being all that He would ask me to be.  If my kids are my world then it's all about me.  It's all about my life and that's not what being a mom should be about. 

I wish I had learned this a little earlier in life.  Hindsight is always twenty-twenty and so many things I might have done better or different but the reality is that we are here in today and not in yesterday and I'm not guaranteed tomorrow.  So if my kids are my world then I will soon be very lost.  Because they are about to spread their wings and their time in my world will change. 

Oh they will always be my babies but being "my world" is a burden they should never have to bear and the same goes for me.  I can't be "their world".  They are destined to great things and God given blessings that will draw them into their worlds where they will hopefully seek God above all else.  I'm sure I could point my finger at things I might have done right or wrong and probably pass judgment on every mother I come across about their wrongs or rights but that's not my place.  As a mom, my place is to love - to show love - to live love and to be love for them.  To teach them to love and have kindness and compassion.  To teach them the most important thing I know. 

When you have Jesus as your world - He is enough.  He will fill all the holes and gaps - not work, not school, not other people, not your spouse or your kids.  Just Jesus.  Our time is limited and the only message I should live and teach that should be louder than all others is just that one thing - Just Jesus.  He is what you need and He will be with you. 

Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[have been called according to his purpose."  His plan is for good - that doesn't mean there won't be hard or challenging times where I question my parenting or their choices.  But if I truly believe that Jesus is all we need then I have to trust that His plan is far greater than mine ever will be and He will see it through to the end. 

So make the most of today and lead by example.  Spend time with Jesus as the center of your life so your kids will see how He lifts and encourages and sustains you.  Don't expect them to be your world or stay in your world and don't expect to always be the center of theirs.  It's unrealistic and will destroy you both.  I pray that as the days run so quickly ahead that I will do just that.  Love Jesus enough that they see He is enough. 

Oh, and one more thing.  As mommas never judge the other mommas.  We all are different people and our kids are never the same.  Don't judge yourself either by comparing to other mommas.  You are the mom God gave your kids.  Your gifts are exactly what they needed or He would have given them to someone else.  Your purpose is just that - love Him and love them through Him.  It's not easy and never will be so we all need is to love the other mommas and ourselves.  We don't know the burdens they carry and they don't know ours.  Remember - God loves you - just You and He will care for your kids - after all He created them.  You don't have to be God - just a mom seeking just Jesus.

I'll end with this.  I'm not the Mother of the Year - neither or you.  It's a good thing really because that would be a burden I wouldn't want to bear.  I'm not perfect - I learned that lesson a long time ago - and that's a story for another day.

Something New

So, I decided that I wanted to share something new.  Blogging, grammar, English aren't necessarily my strong suit but sharing life and being transparent is something I feel very strongly about.  So I'm gonna try a little blogging. 

The verse Luke 6:38 says "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” It's one of the memory verses I have been working on this year and I was led to share it in hearing my dad talk about sharing the bounty from our fig tree.  We are blessed with so many things in life and when we allow God to take them from our hands and pour them out on others then they are often times multiplied even more in our lives.  It's the same with the bad stuff.  If we allow the pressing, and shaking and pouring out of our stories of hurt and anger then we are able to draw alongside someone and help them in their struggles. 

As I was writing this I looked back at Luke 6:37  “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Just as we are not to judge or condemn - we are to forgive and lift and comfort those as we have been comforted and forgiven and lifted up.  God has given me life experiences that have allowed me to be cracked and broken down at times and I feel very strongly that now those cracks and broken places are what He plans to pour His love through to reach those around me. 

I lean toward being very introverted and at times scared of being around people so when I do find the connections that He places in my life they are usually very intentionally put there for me to somehow use what I've learned to lift someone else or to learn from someone else's brokenness. 

So for today, my place is right where I am, mother, daughter, teacher, girlfriend and friend.  I just pray God continues to send me the opportunities to allow His love to shine through the cracks of my life.