2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
I'm not perfect. No surprise to most people but definitely something I've struggled with. Thinking if I just worked a little harder or longer or was tougher I could measure up to the invisible level of perfection. You aren't perfect either. It took a very wise woman sitting me down when I was a senior in High School and telling me that there was only one person who was perfect and He died so I could spend eternity with Him. She informed me that if I wanted peace then I need to strive for my best but forget the idea of perfect and to let all the people in my life off the hook as well. Because my expectations for them were going to just keep causing me heartache and it was totally unfair to them.
Not too long ago I found myself in a very dark place. Deep in the recesses of my mind and that is a very scary place to get lost. Sometimes my thoughts can create a lot of fear and after some very challenging life experiences I was wallowing in that overwhelming sense of fear. It took some major interaction from God to pull me out of the darkness and to remind me to stay focused on today.
Two big questions really got my attention and made me see a different perspective. The first question was "Where would you be if not for Jesus?" Wow! That moment reminded me that without Christ in my life, I would not just have been lost for eternity but my choices in life would very likely have led me down a very dark path. Accepting Jesus as my Savior at a very young age provided a rock of stability that nothing else could. I can't say that I always followed Him closely and allowed Him complete control all the time but I always knew He was there and thinking about what might have been without Him definitely changed my perspective.
The Second question came on a Walk to Emmaus. If you've never read the Emmaus account in Luke 24, you should. It is a time after Christ died and those walking the road to Emmaus were heartbroken over His death. Then they actually walked in His resurrected presence without comprehending who He was. Once they did their lives were changed. Most of my life I walked with God but didn't always comprehend the power of His presence. I had the opportunity to attend a weekend Walk to Emmaus. It was an amazing experience during which we were told to "Think about when you were conceived". Then write how it makes you feel that at that very moment God knew who you would be.
I was conceived when my father came home from Vietnam after my mother lost the son that was born the month before my conception. So the circumstances could easily have been that I would not have been conceived, and yet for some reason God felt that I was to be here. Although I knew this about my birth all my life it resounded in my heart in a way that it never had before. Even with all my broken, sometimes bad choices, God knew. He knew that He had a reason for me. Enough of a reason that my brother died for me to be here. The overwhelming presence of His love for me at that moment seemed to pull all the cracked pieces together in a way that I can't explain.
The most remarkable part of both of these questions and the way God used them in my life was to drive home the fact that I didn't have to be perfect to be used by Him. Some days I don't know what He wants me to do with my life but right now today, my place is to help my children find Him. I want them to know that His love is enough for each day and that we only have this moment. When we worry about the cracks in our lives - our mistakes, our past, our circumstances - then we are stealing the joy of His presence.
On the last day of my Emmaus weekend, we were given a beautiful teacup. I immediately broke into tears when I got mine. Not because of its beauty or the great reminder of the weekend, but because it was cracked. It wasn't perfect. It never would be again. Oh it could have been fixed or even had kintsugi (the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum) to make it even more beautiful. What I saw was a cracked cup that could be used to pour love through, not out of because that means it gets empty and has to be refilled. But poured through - the only way to pour love through is to continually pour love in. That's what I want to be. Cracked to care - broken enough that Christ's love pours into me and out again on to others who are broken or cracked.
2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
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