I read today where it can be said "there are three kinds of givers: the flint, the sponge, and the honeycomb. To get a spark from a flint you have to hammer it. To get anything out of a sponge you have to squeeze it. But a honeycomb just overflows with sweetness." Right after I read this, I read the verse at the beginning, I'm wondering what God is trying to tell me.
When we were growing up we used to say sticks and stones can break your bones but words would never hurt you. Well I believe that's a huge lie and as a parent I believe our words are powerful tools in our hands. We can shape or break our children with our words. All relationships flourish with communication or they can die a quick death. I think so often we take words for granted. Just letters on a page.
I wrote about this a little bit in my last blog and I may repeat some things so forgive me but its one of those things that rings deep in my soul sometimes. You see I have a problem with self esteem. I used to always worry about what other people thought. Our family moved around because my father was in the military, so in my early years there was constant starting over with new people. As an introvert and shy I was doubly challenged in the making friends department. I need quiet and alone time to recharge, so often people assumed I was a snob. Every time we had to move about the time I would get comfortable and have friends I would have to start all over again. Regretfully, I started limiting the connections to very superficial relationships. Those were easier to leave and maintain.
Learning to adapt to new environments was easy but meeting and building relationships was hard. Add to that the desire to please people and be accepted and my growing up years were a challenge to say the least. It's taken me years to let go of a lot of those fears from my school years and I wouldn't say I've arrived by any stretch. The hardest part of all those moves was wondering what people thought - I never asked. I just determined in my head that they were pointing and whispering and somehow I didn't measure up.
The actual words though, they were the hardest. They say middle school can be the hardest because there is such a difference in growth patterns. Some kids have arrived and have muscles or breasts or body parts that other kids only dream about. Sadly enough kids are mean. We just start out as mean people. We want to fit and we want to be accepted and so often we think that means we have to make someone else feel less than us and our words spew out in ugliness directed at somehow who isn't like us. Or we want to blame everyone else for where we are - our parents, our siblings, or those people who have somehow already arrived. Someone should be to blame for our lack.
I'm afraid sometimes as parents we don't make it any easier. We tell our kids things about the way they look or what we see that maybe could be better and without realizing it we are hitting them with negatives and they feel as if they don't quite measure up. My heart always breaks when I realize I'm doing this or when I hear other people even in jest say words like stupid, or moron, or man you have a big zit right there on your face. And sometimes its not the words we say but how we say them. sometimes our tone of voice indicates that someone doesn't measure up or they aren't doing it the right way. Even worse we try to manipulate and guilt our kids into being what we want and clinging to our side so we feel needed and important.
I spent a lot of time worrying about how I could measure up or what people thought about me when in reality the only relationship I really needed to worry about was how did I measure up to God. Because as a believer that should be the only thing that concerns me. If I'm striving to be like Christ and daily seeking Him in His word and through prayer then I begin to see myself differently. I stop trying to compare myself to everyone and anyone around me and I start realizing my value. If my inner dialogue starts with Him and ends with Him then the words that flow out of me are much more kind and compassionate. Love should flow out of us just like the honeycomb that overflows with honey. Because God is love and all that is in Him is love and all that comes out of Him is love.
The truth is if I had realized earlier the value and significance of words then how I reflect them to those around me might have been different. I can't blame anyone for where I am today but me. My choices and my situations and how I responded to them led me to where I am now. Far from perfect but oh so much more aware of who I am as a child of God and that should flow naturally out of my heart. My prayer now is that I will look for God in each person I come across and not worry what they think about me but do they see Christ in me? Do they know that He is inside and overflowing out in the way I respond or treat them? I'm not nearly perfect but praise God when He brings me home with Him I will be. Today all I can do is pour in the sweetness of Him so that it overflows like honey.
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