Just a little over a year after that I was told those words again. This time with a pregnancy barely in the process. A baby that was expected to fill the gap suddenly was an uncertainty. A weekend of prayer and pain and crying out for miracles. And then there he was. A tiny heartbeat waiting to be born.
Fear can rob the joy. As we drew closer to the due date for David the loss of Sarah brought fear for what might happen. We waited for this miracle that couldn't be found at three months to be delivered before the forty weeks with excitement and hope and a shadow of fear.
There has been lots of change since that time but one thing never has changed. My God is faithful. He has walked with me in the valleys and on the mountains. But it's been the valleys that have built the strongest faith. I can honestly say I wouldn't choose to ever experience the bad stuff again but I also have to say that those broken times are the best. They gave me appreciation for the moments.
I just read something the other day that says we remember the moments not the days. I could tell you story after story of moments in my life where God showed up big. Moments where joy was overwhelming and grief rocked me to the core and I wouldn't change any of those moments. Don't ask me about dates or days or even to remember names of long past friends. For some reason my mind doesn't hold those as well. But the moments. The ones that were a reflection and intentionally marked by God. Those I can remember.
As I look around at my kids and my family and so many people who have touched my life I know that the words "no heartbeat" are a lie. The heartbeats live on. My Sarah's heart beats with my Jeaus and in me and my kids and all of those moments that continue to be a part of us.
My God is a big God and He gets bigger through each beat of my heart.
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1 NIV
Amen
ReplyDelete