Where Did My Babies Go?

So kittens become cats and puppies become dogs and babies become adults. When I first held my babies I couldn't imagine them ever being big. Now that they are big I can't imagine they were ever so tiny.

When you become a mom no one tells you that watching your kids become adults is one of the hardest things you will ever do. The tiny little babies that come into this world are so dependent on you for everything that it's hard to imagine a day when they really don't neeed you the same way. I can honestly say that nothing thrills my heart more than when my kids call or text to just tell me what's going on or ask for my advice.

It's hard though. You don't want to give them the wrong advice but even more you want them to learn to be strong and make their own decisions. In other words you never really arrive as a confidant, have it all together parent. Often I  still feel I'm getting it wrong.

But then...

I see this post from my daughter.

With this comment...

And then it hits me. My kids are grown. I'll never stop wondering if I'm screwing up but I know that they are good, compassionate and wise people and I'm proud of them. I gave them to God a long time ago and I can trust that He will continue to help them through this crazy world.

So this - this is where my babies are. Still my babies just in bigger bodies. Love them so much.

2016 Equaled Change

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Two years ago this verse kicked off a year of memorizing two verses a month. Last year I dubbed the year of change. I expected change, I anticipated change and I feared change. It was all of that and more.

2016 was all that I anticipated and in many ways so far beyond anything I could have imagine. I knew that it would be a different year. One kid graduating college and one from high school. Leaving an empty nest. I was getting married and moving and taking a new job. All the biggest psychological stressors you could imagine. Add to that some financial challenges, parental health issues and just your regular life and it was definitely a year of change.

I was so overwhelmed at one point I really thought I was losing my mind (some would say this already happened).  I felt so disconnected from all that was me. It was an amazing trip around the sun. I found out more about myself and how I process life than I thought was possible. It thought I knew myself pretty well and had left behind some major insecurities only to have them come roaring back and nearly undo me.

Two things kept me from falling off the edge. The one strongest connection I've ever known and my amazing husband. My God has always been my grounding place. I've learned to run to Him and cry to Him and cling to Him over the years and He is the one connection that goes wherever I do. He is always there. Even when I wander off He is just waiting.

The second one is my husband. In the past five months he has held me when I cried and helped me process (it pays to be married to a therapist) and made me laugh more than I think I ever have in my life. He lets me be me and encourages me to be all that I can.

This year ended with some special family time and I am looking forward to 2017 and what God has planned. This year the word is trust - the FIRM belief in the reliability, truth or strength of someone or something. You see I have trust issues. So this year I'm going to memorize verses on trust and seek to rely even more fully on my God and not try to figure out life.

So Happy New Year everyone. Welcome to 2017.