I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. How easily it can overwhelm me and make me feel lost and alone. There is so much in our world today that contributes to a fearful spirit. War, turmoil among people - every day my news feeds are filled with horrible things happening to people. It often makes me want to just go find a place to hide and not be a part of this world.
Fear in and of itself is just a word. An emotion that we give way too much power. The things that I am so often afraid of never come to pass or are way less worrisome than I think they are going to be.
I recall a time where I would easily try new things and I wasn't afraid of adventures or climbing trees. People were always the hardest though. I was always afraid of what other people might think about me and my choices and the way my life looked. Lately I've wondered what happened to the little kid who felt secure and free enough to just climb the tree. Why does making a choice or trying something new tie me up in knots?
Why do I worry what someone will think about the decisions I make? Why do I try to pass that fear on to others by making them question what they should do or not do? Why do I think I need to control the things around me?
When we live a life that is founded in the here and now and the things of this world - money, stuff, a certain image or expectation we are missing the big picture. I'm learning to not try and control the world around me. In the past I was afraid of what might happen so I would control the things I thought I could in the hopes of limiting the type of fall out I might encounter - ugly words or hurtful comments. Of course all I did was put myself in a comfortable shell that became much like a prison.
I was so afraid of what might happen outside my cocoon I forgot to keep living. I can't say that I've managed to break out of my self made prison but I am making strides. I'm trying not to be the over controlled freak of a mom or wife. I'm trying to trust others enough to say what I feel and not just avoid the topics that scare me. Now I just need to get brave enough to find a way to connect with some new people. Find a way to meet some new friends and live a little outside of myself.
It's coming slowly and I know that God is getting me ready for what He wants. He is constantly reminding me to just trust Him to show me what the next step in my adventure will be. Because the one thing I do know is that His love is perfect and if I empty myself of me and let Him fill me up then the fear doesn't have room to move into my mind. It's a daily process of emptying and actively seeking to fill my mind with the love that only He can give me and letting it pour out of me.
The big picture is way more than just me and my little world. I have the pleasure of spending an eternity with a God who cared enough to walk among us and help us live without fear. We can be brave and strong and fearless. We can love all people without judging or being afraid of what will come from loving them. With God we have resurrection power living in us and friend - that is super power beyond imaging. God will and can fill our every need and erase all fear from our lives. We just have to keep trusting and seeking Him to fill the empty spaces.
