When You Finally Fit

Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Today is Labor Day. A day that we celebrate the work that we do by taking a day of rest. Sometimes work is a struggle and sometimes it is a joy. In my life I have experienced a variety of thoughts about work and what I am meant to do. Most times I felt slightly out of place but competent, never feeling like I was quite a part of the whole and not really knowing if a particular position was truly a part of the purpose God had for my life. 

In many areas of life I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Growing up on the move as part of a military family can have that affect. You get used to always moving and going so you never allow for the connections to be permanent. I have struggled more with connection than any other thing in my life, short of control and sadly they go hand in hand. If I don't feel connected then I want to feel in control so I constantly strive to be the best at whatever I am doing and sometimes that makes me competitive. 

The last few years have shifted my perspective on work and fitting in. I am clinging now to this verse,  John 15:19, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." Now don't get me wrong, you have to read the rest of the chapter to truly understand. Jesus is calling us to love all people regardless but to remember that the rulers of the time hated Him and sought to kill Him. Why? Because He was teaching people to love without borders and boundaries and to let go of the rules that were not a part of His plan for the church.

In today's culture Christians have not lived up to their name of being little Christs. I can't point a finger without four of mine pointing back at me. I have lived at times as if I knew all the answers and my way was the only way to follow Christ, but God. He has shown me so much about what a broken sinner I am. I am not perfect, I am not in control and I have no clue how to live this life without Him. He is the reason I am even alive. He is the reason that every day I get up trying to be more like Him than like the world. I don't feel a part of this world, not because I don't fit anymore but because I long for heaven and the perfect place it will be when we are with Him all the time. 

I recently achieved a major goal, I sat for my licensing exam and passed to be called an LMSW, Licensed Mastered Social Worker. Many times over the past years I thought that would never happen but my wonderful encouraging, friend and husband pushed me to step out of my box. It took me a long time to fulfill this goal and what I long ago felt was God's call on my life. So often we think that if God calls us to do something it will immediately come to pass. But what I've learned is sometimes it takes a lifetime. Why? Because he needs to burnish our rough edges so we are better able to fit in the slot where He wants us to be, more like Him and less worried about the status or level of our accomplishments. I couldn't have achieved any of this without God. The two years of school and study were emotionally and mentally exhausting thanks to a variety of challenges. 

For the first time in a long time I truly feel I am in the right place. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. Oh, I still have a lot of work to do to become like Christ but I see some things so much more clearly and I have a deep appreciation for the new job I have just started. I am using that license and degree to help families. And even more blessed, I am doing it with a team that is truly awe inspiring in their abilities and their heart for God. 

Oh what joy it is to wake up at 5:15 am and know that I am going to a job that is fun but busy and actually work. Sounds crazy, right? But for the first time in a very long time I fill like I fit where God placed me. All of the other positions were building blocks to get me to this place. A place where I can appreciate the job I have been given and strive to do what God wants me to do. I haven't always seen my jobs as a work for God and that is something I regret. He was always watching and I wonder if I didn't fit because I didn't try to do it His way but my way. Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." 

So for today I'm going to rest in the Lord, knowing that life is not supposed to be easy if we are striving to be like Him, but it is supposed to be joyful. Even during the hard times we can cling to His joy and peace. Knowing that His plan is for a future and hope. HAPPY LABOR DAY!  

Connection

I have a piece of art, currently in storage, that is a beautiful calligraphy with a dried flower in the corner. The verse is one that over the years has helped me overcome being shy and moving often. It’s a reminder to make the connection with people that is so easy to just overlook.

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”  Hebrews‬ ‭13:2‬ ‭ESV

I bought this piece of art at a craft show in Angel Fire, New Mexico at the First Baptist Church. Partly because I loved the artist and because I knew how hard it was to be the stranger. The artist was Susie Tate. One of those people that always had a smile and just wasn’t  afraid to let the world see her heart for Jesus. She was the daycare director who loved on my little dude and helped him learn about Paul Bunyan and how to trim his eyelashes. So really he was just so quick she never saw him do it and was so afraid I would be upset. I wasn’t. He likes to cut things.

Susie died this past Friday and my heart broke. She was one of those people you just connect with. She was so easy to talk to and so fun to be around. Even in her struggles she exuded joy and faith. We prayed, cried and laughed a lot together. We connected and I wanted to be able to show joy like she did. She was there when we faced some struggles and just knew how to be in your presence without you feeling like you had to entertain or work to be social.

For the past couple of years Susie has been sending me notes of encouragement through Instagram. Shared pictures of faith and reminders that even in the hard times we serve a big God. Literally the day before she died she was still trying to encourage. I had no idea she was sick and so her death was a bit of a shock.

When God puts people together the connection doesn’t ever stop. The joy of knowing that one day I will see her again is so wonderful. That doesn’t make knowing she is gone any easier though. Because I knew that no matter where I was if I needed her voice I could call or send a message and get a smile.

Today I was blessed to hear from her daughter. Another beautiful joy filled reminder of her amazing life. She told me I could steal a picture to put with my blog because I knew I needed to process. I really can’t thank God enough for blessing me with the knowing of someone like Susie. I can’t wait to see her again.

Thank you Mikki for letting me share this. I look forward to seeing you grow to be even more like her every day. Love you Susie and will most definitely miss you. I know you are so happy to be with the Jesus you loved so much.

Just One Day

This past week has been full of questions. Details about this day. My wedding day. I've fielded each one with some guidelines but a somewhat nonchalant attitude. Why?  Because it's just one day. 

As I woke up this morning to the sound of thunder knowing the wedding is outside I was reminded again that this is just one day. I wanted to arrive at this day with little to no expectations because I didn't want to be caught up in worry and stress or disappointment. I simply want today to be the beginning. 

The beginning of a lifetime. And not all moments will be sunshine and roses. Some will be rain clouds and thunder. I don't want to live my life based on other people's expectations or my expectations because that will always lead to disappointments. 

Today I marry the man of my dreams. Whether we start our life together on a hillside covered with sunshine or in a barn with friends and family doesn't matter. Because it's just one day that marks the start of what's more important. 

Our marriage will be marked with many days. Some good and some bad but each one a piece of a lifetime. How we deal with the bad will help shape the good. Last night I watched my kids laugh and dance in the rain and there was lots of laughter. That's what I always hope to have. Laughter in the rain. 

So if it rains on this one day that I get married it's all okay. Because just as God takes the broken pieces of our lives and weaves them into a beautiful tapestry of grace so He will take one rainy wedding day and weave it into a lifetime of love and joy. 

“But the righteous shall be glad; they shall exult before God; they shall be jubilant with joy!” Psalms 68:3 ESV