Perfect Children

I have said it many times that I have amazing kids. They are smart and they are becoming compassionate and wise young adults but they are far from perfect. I have no illusions about my children and I love them with all my heart. 

The time seems to be quickly sliding away and I can only trust in one thing and that is God. He is the only one who can see them through to the next steps of life. 

Proverbs 22:6 says start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. 

It's easy to look at that verse and think if I keep them in church and teach them about God then they will be the perfect kids and grow to be perfect adults. But sadly that is not the case. My responsibility as their mom is to teach them not just about God but to model God in my life. I want them to have more than brain knowledge of who God is. 

If my kids don't take what I teach them and make it their own by developing a personal relationship with God as their center then they haven't fully learned what they need to know. 

Over the years I've seen the heartache that children can cause parents and parents who crater because their children don't live up to their expectations and the failure of a child devastates them.  Sadder than both of those is the fact that many parents quote Proverbs 22:6 and assume because they took their kids to church they will walk with God forever.  When the life of the parent in no reflected Christ. 

God gave my kids free will just like He gave it to me and because of that my kids have a choice. They can choose to be for God or against Him. That's their choice. If I failed to teach them what it really means to be a follower of Christ and not just a fan then the foundation they have to start with is shaky. They have to experience life and life with God to develop their own beliefs and solidify the foundation that I hope they have learned. Then all I can do is pray and let God do the rest. 

Kids are gonna make choices - some good - some bad - some that are neither good or bad but are part of their personal development. If we lay a strong foundation then we can claim the promise of Proverbs that they will never fully turn from what they learned. I think the hardest part of this is recognizing that there might be many years of wandering in the wilderness for some kids and the turning point may be drastic and may not occur before death. 

Each day I have to release them back to my Father because I can't make them into little replicas of me. (Which is far from perfect) I want them to learn to be replicas of Christ and just as I have to choose daily to seek His face and allow Him to shape me they will too. 

As I've said before. Parenting is hard but I can't even begin to imagine it without God. 

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

I remember the days of being young and in school and thinking that I can't wait to grow up. 

Making my own decisions. 

Staying up late. 

Having a job and money. 

And then came the reality. 

Making my own decisions = suffering my own consequences. 

Staying up late = too tired to function the next day. 

Having a job and money = commitment and responsibility and bills. 

What we imagine as children and teenagers is not exactly how it turns out when we are grown.  There is a difference between growing up and becoming mature. Growing up happens to all of us. We get older, our bodies tend to more obviously reflect our age and over time we die. 

Becoming mature means recognizing what responsibility is and having the self-discipline to do the hard things even when we don't want to. It's hard to adult and some days I want to just crawl back in the bed and let somebody else make my decisions and pay my bills and suffer my consequences but that's not the way it works. 

I look at my kids and the kids of my friends and it's so easy to see how different they all are. Some are wise beyond their years and see things in deep ways but don't do as well at getting things done. Some are organized and scheduled so that their lives seems to run like clocks. Some just have the artistic perspective and want someone else to adult. 

There comes a point in all our lives where we have to step up and decide how we are gonna handle life. Are we going to let it overwhelm us and run us over or are we going to find the discipline to make decisions for ourselves and not listen to the voices we always have. 

As a parent it's even harder. I have to recognize the strengths and weaknesses of my children and help them learn to discipline themselves. Teaching them to suffer consequences for their choices by not doing things for them and by encouraging them to make their own phone calls and appointments or making their own decisions. 

It's especially hard when you lean towards a very strong independent disciplined mindset and those you are teaching are a more get it done or not it really doesn't matter mindset. It means sometimes watching them fall or miss out on something because they didn't do it. It's means helping them know their own personality type so they know their limits and when they need to ask for help. 

Some people just don't do details well and helping them learn some way to deal with the details or knowing when to say "hey this scares me can you help me" can be a challenge. I have to be very careful with my kids because I have a tendency to enable them. I'm learning to encourage without doing it for them but it's so hard when I can just do it so much easier and faster. Regretfully, if I just do it then they don't learn to do it for themselves. And I also have to be careful not to tell them they can't do it. I don't want to be the negative voice in their head but at the same time I want them to be realistic and recognize what they can and can't do. 

I'm so glad God doesn't just do everything for me. He forces me to depend on Him but recognize that I am loved no matter what I choose. Growing in faith and maturing requires constant discipline and communication. He can help me with all my choices if I just go to Him with them. He can teach me to be self-disciplined and responsible.

As much as I don't want to adult some days I know God has it in His hands and I can rest in that. He speaks to me through His love and helps me mature in Him.  He is also more than capable of taking care of my kids.  I daily have to give them back to Him and know He walks with them even when I can't. We all just have to persevere. 

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4 NIV

Rainy Day Blues

“The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.” Psalm 145:17 NIV

This weekend was full of rainy somewhat depressing weather. Clouds and grey skies and lots of rain. Although we desperately need the rain the way we get it can make for a gloomy atmosphere.

As I was driving to Texas I came to a place where the clouds were lifting. Although there were still many heavy clouds in the sky they didn't seem to be touching the ground. And it just so happened that the small amount of space between the ground and the clouds occurred just as the sun was going down. 

Since I was driving the picture doesn't fully reflect the amazing colors that God was painting on those dreary clouds. It was a beautiful array of orange and purple and red and pink. Without the clouds the sun is beautiful but doesn't create quite so many colors when it goes down.

It provided me a visual reminder of how life and faith work. 

Without the clouds we don't learn to appreciate the good things. 

Without the clouds our faith can become stagnant. 

Just as our muscles grow through repetition of usage during exercise, so does our faith grow when we have to apply it. To say we have faith is just a part of it but putting it into practice when things are gloomy or boring or don't go our way - that's when faith is visible and it grows. 

Each time we have to use our faith it is a building block to help us through or over the next hurdle life puts in front of us. As much as I haven't enjoyed the struggles I've faced in life they have proven over and over again that my God is faithful and never fails me. 

So remember that without the clouds the sunset isn't as pretty. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV

I'm Disappointed in You

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[i] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.  Matthew 5:43-48, NIV

I'm Disappointed in You - those words used to make up all that I strived to avoid.  I wanted to do everything in my power to not disappoint anyone.  That led me to a struggle with perfectionism.  Mistakes were not my friend and even today if I make a mistake I can beat myself to a bloody pulp without even thinking twice.  My self talk when I mess up can be overwhelmingly damning.  It requires a lot of praying and seeking God to let go of even minor flaws.  That perfectionist tendency led to a large amount of people pleasing.  I didn't want people to be upset and especially not with me.  Wondering constantly what people thought about me and what I looked like or what I said or what I did created a very large struggle to do more and be more than was humanly possible. 

Over time this affected everything in my life and caused fear of doing anything.  I didn't want to disappoint so I just didn't do or say what was really on my mind or do the things I might actually want to out of fear what someone might think or say. 

I Don't Care - is another phrase that comes out of this reflection of perfectionism.  It is the other extreme however.  Trying to not be a perfect people pleaser (try saying that multiple times really fast) can lead to the other extreme of just looking out for me and doing what I want, when I want, how I want and who cares who it hurts or affects. 

As believers I think there has to be a balance.  It really is impossible for me to be perfect.  I'm not the perfect mom or the perfect daughter or the perfect girlfriend or the perfect friend.  I'm just me and as a believer I should be just trying to live as best I can with the Holy Spirit guiding my steps.  Seeking after the things of His heart and letting that flow out of me.  But I also can't live my life as if I don't care what anyone else thinks about me.  Although I can't be perfect I need to be Christ like and I need to make my decisions with the Bible and the Holy Spirit as my guide.  That might mean that I choose not to do or say something because it may not reflect Christ well or it might cause a new believer or unbeliever to stumble.  Loving as Christ loves means caring about people.

⁹ Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 1 Corinthians 8:9, NIV

Living transparently without trying to appear as better than I am (perfect) or doing life without caring is a balancing act and it requires the wisdom and discernment that I can only find in Christ.  Without the Word and the Holy Spirit to guide me it would immobilize me causing me to hide in my introverted hole and not do anything because then I wouldn't disappoint anyone.  But God - He would disappointed if I didn't follow His leading and show what it means to live an imperfect but redeemed life. 

And ultimately my only desire is to please Him.  He is the only one who really matters and so making choices should be about what He wants for my life - not solely on what I want or on trying to please someone else.  Living a life for Christ is the only way to live.  It provides freedom from perfect people pleasing and the I don't care about anybody mindsets. 

Do Not Be Afraid

“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:26-31 NIV

I've been doing this blog thing for a couple of months now. Mostly just as a way to keep the thoughts in my brain from rendering me unable to move. My brain can be a scary place and if I get too caught up in my thoughts I don't get much accomplished because I tend to dwell on the worst case scenarios. If you see repetitive posts or themes you probably see right through me to the root of most of my issues.

FEAR! 

Just one little word and yet it has the power to stop me in my tracks. To overwhelm me and get me so off track I might as well stay under the covers. The problem is the word itself has no power - no real substance. It's just a feeling. The reality is I just allow my thoughts on whatever topic I am considering to overwhelm me. I try too hard to see the big picture instead of just looking at the one thing I know I can do next. 

If I can just stay focused on this moment. This issue - and determine what I can do right now then I can let go of the fear that often grips me. If I look at the actual reality rather than the what if scenarios that run around in my head it makes life simpler. I can't focus on tomorrow I can only stay in today. 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:34 NIV

The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth

“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 NIV

It's that time of year. When all the politicians open their mouths and words come out. It's hard to know who is speaking truth and who is just speaking.  I struggle with trust. Especially trusting the words that come out of the mouths of other people. My life experiences have led me to this place and it's a big part of why I don't spend a lot of social time with people. 

Now, I'm not saying I have always and do always speak in perfect truth. I try very hard to not say what I don't believe to be true and even harder not to make promises I can't keep. I was brought up believing that your words (promises) meant something and spoke to your character as a person. 

In our society today truth has become very skewed. Words and actions don't match up and it leads to a distinct lack of trust and makes it very hard to believe in people. 

My current Bible Study is the Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer. It is an in depth look at the armor described in Epehsians 6. The very first piece that we are called to put on is the belt of truth. As Christians our truth is based on God's word. Lately I've been overwhelmed with the need to dig deeper into the word to allow the Holy Spirit to reveal truth. We have to have a standard to judge truth with. Not a religion or what someone believes about something but the actual truth. Our world today is so confusing an often terrifying and the future seems very overwhelming. 

When looking for truth I can only look at 

God's word and allow the Spirit to reveal what He wants me to understand and then use that to see what God has actually done in my life to make that truth real. That is how I can stand in the face of untruths and determine what I believe and I have to do that for myself. No one can do that for me and I can't do it for anyone else. I can speak to what is true for me but I can't make others believe it. Each of us has to seek the truth individually and cautiously. 

Satan loves to twist the truth. When we think we have something figured out and believe it to be true that's when satan comes along and turns it just a little to make us question and doubt. 

Put on the armor - gird and support your core with God's word. Then all the other armor has something to support it and we can stand against the schemes of satan who seeks to keep us confused.  

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,”

Ephesians 6:14 NIV

One Thing I Wish I Learned Sooner

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 NIV 

If I could go back and tell my junior high self one thing it would be just this - Seek God First. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Don't worry about whether you have the right clothes, or hair, or friends, or makeup. Just seek God. Figure out what it means to be His child first and who you are in Him.

There is a beautiful song by Lauren Daigle called First. The words dig deep in my heart and if I had applied them sooner I wouldn't have worried as much about whether I fit in with the crowd and I wouldn't have minded that I was different. I would have avoided a lot of loneliness and heartache. We are uniquely made and our creator knows the depth of our needs. 

It doesn't matter if I belong to the in-crowd. If my makeup is on fleek (I hope I used that correctly). If my hair is in fashion or my clothes have the right designer. It doesn't matter what church I go to or where I live. Only one thing really matters. 

I just need to seek God first. Above all else and then and only then will I be blessed with the things that matter. The things of this world really don't matter but the things of eternity are life sustaining. 

First

By Lauren Daigle

Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You

First
I wanna seek You
I wanna seek You
First
I wanna keep You
I wanna keep You
First
More than anything I want, I want You
First

Before I speak a word
Let me hear Your voice
And in the midst of pain
Let me feel Your joy
Ooh, I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I speak a word
I will bring my heart
And seek You

First
I wanna seek You
I wanna seek You
First
I wanna keep You
I wanna keep You
First
More than anything I want, I want You
First

You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
You are my treasure and my reward
Let nothing ever come before
I seek You

First

First
I wanna seek You
I wanna seek You
First
I wanna keep You
I wanna keep You
First
More than anything I want, I want You
First
First

© INGRAM, JASON / MABURY, PAUL / FIELDES, MIA / DAIGLE, LAUREN / BENTLEY, HANK
For non-commercial use only.

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, MUSIC SERVICES, INC.
For non-commercial use only.

The Ties that Bind

“He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly.”

Acts 10:2 NIV

My grandparents on my mother's side both died when I was in elementary school. Memories of them are few but blessed. Farmers and Christians they raised their family in faith. Years after my grandmother passed away I was blessed to get a look at her bible. It was worn and written in and I distinctly remember the plan of salavation known as the Roman Road being written in the cover. That visual of God's grace and mercy spoke to me in a powerful way. It was a tangible connection to a woman I didn't get to know well enough. 

The ties that bind generations are not just the genetic code that flows in our veins. Sometimes it's the soul connection that crosses time and space and reaches to eternity. Family is important. They are often the ones who help to shape who we become. For the good and the bad. We draw a huge part of who we are from the people we spend the most time with. They teach about love and life. 

Sometimes that teaching isn't from a positive and we may reflect that in how we look at life. We may allow fear to have too much control because that's what we learned early in life. We can become hesitant or afraid of making a mistake. I am very blessed that I come from generations of Christians but that doesn't mean they were all perfect people. Far from it. When you dig into our family tree there are some big splinters on some branches that I'm sure we would like to keep hidden. 

I really have two families. Not just those by blood but those I am bound to in faith. Friends and acquaintances who connect through the soul. Our Father is God and the tie that binds our souls will last all eternity. Even when those who are our blood relations die or for whatever reason disconnect from us we will always be a part of God's family. 

I found that especially true over the years when I didn't live close to my blood family. It was my soul family who helped carry me and mine through very rough waters. That's why community of believers is so important. God doesn't want us to find a church just to be a part of something. He knows we need that fellowship for when all the rest falls away. 

“not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25 NIV

Procrastination Nation

“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” Proverbs 1:8-9 NIV 

Parenting is hard work. Those cute little baby shampoo smelling bundles turn into complex human beings and helping them achieve the things God wants for them is never ending and oh so challenging. 

I have two incredible kids. Both are good looking and very smart with wisdom beyond their years. However, the one thing they sometimes struggle with as I also did is procrastination. Waiting to do the hard things until there is nothing left to do but get it done quickly. I always said I work well under pressure and so the last minute was when my best work came out but it also caused great stress. 

As I'm sure many of you know that is not the wise way to work. It doesn't leave any room for errors - like when the computer fails to send the paper correctly so it can't be turned in on time. It creates undo stress and anxiety when just tackling the hard stuff and getting it done early would be simpler. 

As a parent I want my kids to not face the struggles I have and I want them to excel at all they do. Sometimes it makes my heart hurt and I get frustrated when I can see things they could do better or different but I've learned they have to learn the hard lessons by themselves. 

I can't fix the world and I can't fix them. They have to learn the lessons of life and oftentimes the deepest learning has to come from the times they fall or fail. That is really hard for a mom to stand back and watch her people fall down without rushing in to pick them up and make it better. 

As both my kids are nearing stages where they will be branching even further out on their own I just keep praying they have learned how to stand and make decisions and be responsible on their own. But man is that scary. In my feeble mind I can see all the areas they may struggle and I just pray that God will help hold them up. My job now is just to let God do what He does best. Hold my kids and shape them into the people He wants them to be. And I can only do that on my knees. 

I will always just be a phone call away for my kids but God will always be closer. Parenting really is hard but it would be so much harder without God. 

Thorny Things

“or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.” 2 Corinthians 12:7 NIV

I was reading today, in one of my devotionals about Jacob. How he wrestled with God until his hip was permanently popped out of joint causing a limp and very likely ongoing pain. I like what the author of this devotional said about his weakness. It was a permanent reminder of his need for God and that his strength was in his limp. 

“Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”” Genesis 32:28 NIV

Paul also talks about a thorn in his flesh that was a reminder of his need for God and the constant struggle against satan. We all struggle and we all have things that are a thorn for us. Something that we can't seem to overcome and go back to God with over and over again. That one weakness that satan likes to exploit because if we aren't armed for battle it can pull is right into the pit. 

It's so easy to see the thorn or sin in someone else but so hard to see it in ourselves. I think the best part of both Jacob and Paul and their willingness to acknowledge the weakness is 

God was always before them. When we dig into our hearts and uncover the thing or things that truly trip us up then we can give it to God and He can use it to grow us closer to Him. The more we try to hide it or act like it doesn't exist the farther away it drives us from Him. 

Don't be afraid to let God show you the thorns. The thorny things can become the beautiful things that God can use to reach others and to mold you into His image so He gets all the glory. 

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

Biscuits and Tomato Gravy

Saturday has always been the day of the big breakfast in my family. I grew up where almost every Saturday morning consisted of starting off with biscuits and tomato gravy. Some Saturday's might have been pancakes or some other breakfast delicacy but most of the time it was biscuits and gravy. The thing about Saturday morning breakfast that I remember most is that it was the day my dad would cook and would deliver it to my mom in bed.  During the week he was up and gone early and being a marine typically meant a Monday - Friday schedule so Saturday mornings allowed him to be home in the mornings and so he was the breakfast chef. 

Over the years the biscuit and gravy tradition has continued although now it isn't just on Saturdays and doesn't always get delivered and he cooks a lot more than just breakfast. Now the grandkids have learned that breakfast from granddaddy is pretty much whatever they ask him to make and he has even been known to make multiple breakfasts depending on the grandkids preferences. 

I know it might not make sense but breakfast is one way my dad shows his love. He spoils the grandkids because he loves them. He pampered my mom on Saturdays because he loves her. It's one love language that he uses. 

Over the years I've learned that we all express and receive love in different ways. There are books written about knowing your love language and knowing the love language of those you are in relationships with. This is very important because we associate love with actions or time. Because it is an emotion just saying the word isn't always enough. It's important to say but more important to show. 

My daughter shows love and relieves stress by baking, however she receives love via gifts. Not necessarily big gifts but tokens of the expression that show her she is being thought of and taken care of. My son receives love via time and touch. He needs hugs. He asks for them and gives them freely. Personally I tend to receive love in practical ways - someone doing the things that I would normally do so I don't have to. We are all different. 

Jesus gave love through the most sacrificial action. He gave His life just so we could be alive with Him forever. When we believe that and accept Him as our Savior then we should begin to look like Him. We should express our love to others by serving and loving everyone. Our friends, family and even enemies should be treated as worthy of sacrificial service. 

Love worth having is filled with action. It's not just a word it's an overflow of what is in our hearts and our lives. Christ should literally poke out all over. 

Show someone today how much you are loved by loving those around you. Our time here is short - don't waste a moment. 

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

I've Got This

I remember when my kids were little and decided they could do something for themselves. They wanted to control whatever it was they were doing. Sometimes we would wait patiently for them to try and either get it done or ask for help. Sometimes I would step in and just do it for them.

We all think we've got this. This thing called life. During the easy, day to day times we especially think that we are in control and can keep our lives on an even path. Then reality hits. We realize we really aren't in control and we really don't have it all figured out. 

Control is my biggest struggle. I have always been very independent and this resulted in many times that I thought I could do life on my own - my own terms - with no help from anyone else.  I wanted to be tough and strong and capable. It took some really hard lessons to realize that we were made for community and it was okay to allow others to help me and even more so to ask for help. 

More important than asking others for help is the need to go to God for help. Not just for the big things but for all the little everyday things. We need Him in our lives and we need other people. 

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24 NIV

One of the hardest things to do is admit we need help and then to ask for it. God puts the right people in our lives at the right times. He just wants us to allow them to be part of His plan to bless us or allow us to be part of His plan to bless them. Never turn down help because when you do you might deprive someone of the gift of a blessing. 

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Mark 11:24 NIV

The Last Time

Sometimes we get stuck on the last one. The last cookie, the last page of a book, the last meal - endings can hold our feet in place and make the last of something seem like a very overwhelming sorrow.

Tonight I will attend the last Homecoming celebration where one of my kids will stand in a saber line and welcome the homecoming court onto the field. It's one of those lasts that my heart wants to get stuck on. I have loved seeing both my daughter and now my son put on AFJROTC uniforms and be the formal line in the center of the football field. 

This last has the power to steal much of my joy if I choose to let it. As my son walks through his senior year of high school there will be many lasts. He is my baby and with his graduation much will change. Just as I processed the change with my daughter there was a lot of fear and we made many adjustments. I know I will survive but it does mark the end of one level of mothering. 

Just as my relationship with my daughter has shifted into a much deeper relationship I know that it will create change with my son as well. It is a beginning of a new level of love, pride and even fear. 

As I watch these little babies who have grown to be amazing people take big steps and make wise decisions I know there will be hard times ahead. So I'm praying even harder and deeper for God to be the center of their lives. Because ultimately He is the one who created them and He will fulfill the plan for their futures.  He has been the one constant for us all. 

So as I tick off the lasts for this year I'm praying that I won't get stuck on the last one but will cling to the first one. The many firsts that we will get to see in the coming years. I will seek to see the new beginnings rather than being stuck in the endings. 

2 John 1:6 NIV and this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. 

Happily Ever After

Jeremiah 18:1-4 NIV  This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: ² “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” ³ So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. ⁴ But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Someday - one day - tomorrow - all words that hold the future.  Many times have I used these words to dream of something different or better.  I had a variety of dreams when I was growing up.  I wanted to be a marine like my dad, and a veterinarian and eventually an accountant.  By the time I reached the accountant dream I was determined to be rich and have a house with a maid and people to take care of me.  Needless to say after two courses in accounting my dream changed directions.

Life has a way of shifting our dreams and changing them over time.  I think we all dream of the life that leads to easy street and living happily ever after.  After what?  After we graduate high school, or college or grad school or doctoral school?  After we marry and have kids?  After we retire, or the kids leave home?  When is after?  When do we live happily ever after? 

Personally I've learned that the more I try to shape my own pot by planning each phase of my life and coloring it with the right glaze or paint the more my pot seems to shift and break.  There is a plan for our lives.  One that is perfectly in tune with who we are and who we are created to be.  The funny thing is I don't believe it's just a perfect straight line to the finish if we cling to God.  Over time it's become apparent that we were given the gift of making choices.  We choose daily what our next step will be.  God wants us to choose Him first.  If we make Him our first choice then the other choices are easier.  Looking past the moment and seeing the choices in the light of eternity leads to happily ever after.  My ever after is an eternity with the one who created me.  The one who shapes each facet of my personality and my being.  When I seek Him first above all else then He turns the wheel to make me into His image.

Creating a pot is not easy.  Any small deformity or weakness will cause it to fracture when it faces the fire.  Just as creating our future is beyond our ability.  We can't see the weaknesses or deformities that will fracture our lives and spin us out of control.  We can only see the moment and when we try to plan the future we get frustrated when that flaw has to be fixed or even worse squished back into a lump to start over.  If we learn to trust the plan that God has for us and see that each reshaping or removing or breaking piece is part of shaping us into the pot that will dwell with Him for eternity then our happily ever after begins today.  Ever after begins the moment we realize that God is enough.  He is all we really need.  No plan or dream or future goal will ever measure up to God - when we recognize that then everything else becomes the gravy or happily part we are searching for.  He loves to give good blessings to His children but we have to seek Him first.  Trust Him with your happily ever after and the struggles will just be part of the plan.

Jeremiah 29:11-12 NIV For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

New Day

Some days it's just a good thing to see the sun rise. The reminder that with each new day we get to have a do over. Whatever didn't go well yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn't come. So just enjoy the new day and let God make it what He will. Look for the God smiles today and don't hurry through the day. Rest in Him.

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Memories

Memories are funny creatures.  Sometimes what seems crystal clear in our memory may not be what is real and sometimes what we can't remember becomes crystal clear when we visit it again. 

I just spent the weekend visiting the city and campus of my college alumni.  It is a small Baptist college tucked away in central Louisiana.  I remember walking on campus and just feeling at home.  I spent four years memorizing the buildings and layout and how to get around town.  Nearly thirty years later and although not much has changed on campus the city it is in and the adjoining city have changed considerably.  I found that some of my memories are not as clear as I would have thought and some are just as clear. 

It was a beautiful weekend and I was reminded of many events and people - the very sad thing is that there are really very few people that I remember.  Many names and faces swirl around in a mix of what was and what is.  Remembering events and people takes an intentional effort.  If we don't stop during a moment and truly try to mark it in our minds then life has a way of blurring those moments together. 

Sorrow over lost memories and moments makes me think hard about my lack of intentionality in the past.  There were people and times that I truly wish I could remember and some that I'm kind of glad I can't.  But over time I have learned that if I truly want to remember then I have to stop in the moment and take a mental picture and sometimes even a physical one.  Taking a mental time out to place the moment, people, smells, sounds and activities can build a more lasting memory. 

The same is true with God. We have to spend intentional time memorizing His word and spending time with Him in order to depend on what we know about Him to face each day.

John 14: 26 says "the advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and remind you of all that I have said to you."

Jesus knew that life would blur the memories of His disciples so He sent the Holy Spirit to help the m and us remember all that He taught.  But we have to allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through us so that He can remind us of all God has done and is. 

Don't Follow Me

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.

Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Albert Camus

I heard this quote a long time ago and thought it was such a great word.  I don't make a good leader and I might not always follow so I would rather just walk beside you.  Today as I was getting ready for work I thought about followers.  In our social media driven society we want people to follow us.  Follow my Twitter, my Instagram, my Snapchat, my Facebook

 

Follow - follow - follow. 

 

Have you ever noticed that the first part of follow and the first part of folly are the same?  If we don't watch who we follow it can lead us into folly.  I was struck by how although I write this little blog and have other social media accounts I really don't want anyone to follow me.  Not in the true sense of the word.  If my words or pictures somehow touch your life or God uses them to speak to you then that is a great thing.  But what I really want to happen is for anyone who follows me to be led to the Father.  He is the one we need to follow.  His footsteps and guidelines are the ones we need to stay in tune with.  I can't lead where anyone needs to go. I can just hopefully be used by the one we should follow. 

 

I read a book not too long ago called "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman.  It was such a great reminder that as Christians we have to be willing to leave everything behind if we choose to follow God.  He wants our utmost and not just our fandom.  He wants us to be sold out - not just on Sunday morning and maybe a Wednesday night.  In our society today and as recently as yesterday some are being killed for being followers.  I know they were followers because they didn't hesitate to die for what they believe. 

 

Are you a follower - or just a fan?  God wants it all - every part of you - leave your comfort behind and follow the only one who is worthy of following.

 

John 10:27 NIV My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

Mom Guilt

Luke 9: 23-25 NIV Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. ²⁴ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. ²⁵ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?

There is a difference between losing yourself to God and just plain losing yourself.  I have found that I have a tendency to take care of everyone but me.  It is so easy to put myself last when it comes to my family.  I guess because there is the mom part of me that seems to think the kids have to be the first priority.  I'm not saying being a caring and involved mom is all bad but it definitely requires balance.  If I always put myself last and don't take care of even the basic needs I have - like clothes, or emotional or spiritual needs because I feel like spending money or time on me somehow takes away from what I need to give to my kids then I've lost my balance. 

The problem is the mom guilt.  Somehow I feel guilty if I don't spend all my time and money with those people I brought into this world.  That somehow without me laying me down I'm somehow short changing them.  The reality is they would be much worse off if I didn't occasional take some time or spend some money on me.  If I fail to take care of me then I become lost and forget who me is.  I forget that outside of my kids and family I am a person in my own right.  I have to nourish my body and soul or I can become resentful and too empty to be what they need when they need. 

First and foremost I have to lose myself to God.  I have to let go of all the preconceived ideas of who I think the world expects me to be and just be the me He created.  Just find my place with Him.  And when I get the opportunity to just be me for a bit - either by spending some time alone with Him or doing something for me - I don't have to feel guilty.  My kids are nearly grown and I still deal with the mom guilt - it's just hard to remember that the Father who created them is far better at taking care of them than I am and now that they are grown it's okay to take care of me. 

If I could go back and tell myself a few things about being a mom - I think I would first tell myself not to feel guilty for taking time out for me.  To just leave the messes and the people every now and then and just enjoy the times when you can be alone - especially with the Father.  Momming is hard work and requires a balance - don't lose yourself to anything or anyone but God.