Luke 9: 23-25 NIV Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. 25 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?
There is a difference between losing yourself to God and just plain losing yourself. I have found that I have a tendency to take care of everyone but me. It is so easy to put myself last when it comes to my family. I guess because there is the mom part of me that seems to think the kids have to be the first priority. I'm not saying being a caring and involved mom is all bad but it definitely requires balance. If I always put myself last and don't take care of even the basic needs I have - like clothes, or emotional or spiritual needs because I feel like spending money or time on me somehow takes away from what I need to give to my kids then I've lost my balance.
The problem is the mom guilt. Somehow I feel guilty if I don't spend all my time and money with those people I brought into this world. That somehow without me laying me down I'm somehow short changing them. The reality is they would be much worse off if I didn't occasional take some time or spend some money on me. If I fail to take care of me then I become lost and forget who me is. I forget that outside of my kids and family I am a person in my own right. I have to nourish my body and soul or I can become resentful and too empty to be what they need when they need.
First and foremost I have to lose myself to God. I have to let go of all the preconceived ideas of who I think the world expects me to be and just be the me He created. Just find my place with Him. And when I get the opportunity to just be me for a bit - either by spending some time alone with Him or doing something for me - I don't have to feel guilty. My kids are nearly grown and I still deal with the mom guilt - it's just hard to remember that the Father who created them is far better at taking care of them than I am and now that they are grown it's okay to take care of me.
If I could go back and tell myself a few things about being a mom - I think I would first tell myself not to feel guilty for taking time out for me. To just leave the messes and the people every now and then and just enjoy the times when you can be alone - especially with the Father. Momming is hard work and requires a balance - don't lose yourself to anything or anyone but God.
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